feeling better

After a good cry this morning with Tim, feeling bad about my friend patterns, I am feeling a little better now. Tim actually said something that really resonated with me. That maybe I am still drawn to people with low self esteem. That was certainly true with Mark, it's true with Ava (she wouldn't be with Aaron if she had more self esteem, it seems to be true with Tawny, it was true with Lisa). That maybe there is a part of me that likes being the helper and the fixer.

Only problem is...why should I waste energy trying to fix people, especially when it isn't reciprocated? And I shouldn't put so much energy into friendships with people who pull the disappearing act.

I'm going to focus more on my friendships that are building with Amy and Celena. They both seem more together, not needy, not needing/wanting to be fixed or use me as their dumping ground.