Goodbye to Portland

Last night was my last outdoor exercise class, and it was a nice way to say goodbye to the city. We ran down by the river, and the sun came out after a day of rain and clouds. I got to look at how beautiful Portland is, run by a lot of things I've run by a good number of times, and see my favorite light. It's hard to describe, but the air is really clear here, and once in a while, when the light is right, things kind of glow and have this shimmering clarity around them. That light was out last night.

I usually end up running with Kim, but for at least part of it, I was running by myself, which gave me space to say my mental goodbyes to this city.

Even though Portland didn't end up working out for us, I'm so glad we came out here. I always wanted to live on the west coast and I'm glad I got the chance to realize that dream. I discovered that I am really a trail runner at heart. I reconnected with my inner wild nature child. In Mass...it's harder to feel connected to the earth and nature, because everything is so developed, and now I realize how important it is for me to be around trees and undeveloped areas. Since people out here are so green and environmentally conscious, it made me more aware of little things I can do to make a difference. I feel like I've grown here and rediscovered/discovered parts of me I either forgot about or hadn't yet met.

But now as I sit looking at the truck sitting on our street, waiting for us to load our stuff onto it, and we prepare to move once again...I find myself desperately wanting to be settled. I think Tim and I are going to really work to make North Carolina stick. Lisa stopped by to say goodbye to us and to myrawonderpup, and after she left, I was just a mess. I'm so tired of leaving friends, starting over someplace new with no friends, no one I can call to get coffee when I need to talk. I have three really great, close friends, Lisa, Rosemary and Mik, and now I officially won't live near any of them. I know I will make new friends, but it's hard to leave and uproot and start over again.

Right now, I'm in an ending place, and endings are always hard. Once I switch to a beginning place, things will seem fun and exciting and I'll be looking forward to new adventures. Now I am honoring and remembering what we have here and saying goodbye.