Hooray peer pressure!

Ok, that might seem like an odd post title, but today it was definitely a good thing.

I went out for my first trail run in NC today, meeting a group of runners from MeetUp.com for a run at Lake Johnson. The lake was really pretty, all green, with morning light making the trees glow and the lake sparkle. Lots of geese and ducks everywhere (watch where you step!), who were happy sunbathing and looking for food. One big goose hissed at me, but I told him to be nice, and he seemed to agree to.

The other runners were nice and easy to talk to. I ended up running with this girl Jenn, who runs at my pace and we talked about being people-without-kids in an area where being asked if you have kids is probably the second, maybe third question you get asked.

We ran just over three miles on a nice paved trail through the forest. We got back to the boathouse, waited for the other runners to get there and decided to do an extra loop, this time a dirt trail that was just over a mile. This was an actual trail, with some good hills, walking on a log to cross a small stream, dodging roots and such. Now just the first part of the loops was already the longest I'd run down here, but I'm glad I kept going. I felt good, and really enjoyed myself. I only had to stop once near the top of a particularly steep hill.

And where does the peer pressure come in? Well, it's harder to just stop or quit when you are with other people, and I certainly wouldn't have done the second loop if I had been on my own (plus the added bonus that I didn't know where I was going...)

It was the longest I've run down here, and I feel like I'm home now.

hooray for thunderstorms

Portland isn't really known for extreme weather. While it rains a lot, it doesn't usually have torrential downpours. Very few thunderstorms.

I love storms. I love the energy, I love watching the sky just open up and sheets of rain fall down.

I used to be afraid of thunderstorms, and would go hide downstairs in the basement until it was gone. And I was especially afraid of lightning, because I knew lightning often struck tall things, including tall trees. As our house was fairly tall (big A-frame house), I was always afraid lightning would strike our house and cause a fire.

I don't know when that fear went away, but once it did, I would either go outside and play in the downpour, or press my face against the window and watch. I love storm chasing in the car, when you can see the storm, either just ahead or just behind you. I just love the show nature puts on.

And the south is perfectly happy to accommodate my love of storms. The other night, we were driving to the movies (saw Ocean's 13, it was fun, much more like the first than the second), and it was raining so hard, we could hardly see, there were huge flashes of lightning lighting up the sky, it was just cool!

we're in the south now...

I had the radio on in the car, when I heard an announcement for the 7th Annual Bubba Lympics -- featuring spam carving, toilet seat tossing and more.

I'm pretty sure the radio station is doing this as a joke, and to let people make fun of how people see southerners. But....I'm also pretty sure that there are going to be some people who are going to be completely excited to partake, and will be only to proud and happy to show off their bubba-ness.

I told Tim I heard the announcement with amused horror.

Back in the world

A lot has changed (again) since my last blog post. Now I can say with certainty that I am a North Carolina resident and a Duke employee. For a while, it wasn't looking like either would be definite.

We arrived in town after a long week in the car, driving from Portland to Durham. My skin had pretty much blown up -- whether from getting cross-contaminated with gluten from something (looking at you french fries) or sleeping on scratchy hotel sheets washed in industrial-strength detergent. Most likely a combination of both. Deciding to eat chicken ended up being the smartest (and really probably only) decision I could have made. I literally lived on salads with grilled chicken from McDonalds and Wendys -- often twice per day. This will likely be TMI, but it's my blog, so I'll say what I like. How the hell do people on the Atkin's diet go to the bathroom? I was eating virtually all protein, eggs, chicken, with some iceberg lettuce and random fruit mixed in when I could find it. Granted, my sensitive digestive track requires more care than most, but by the end, going to the bathroom or showering could reduce me to tears from pain. It's going to be a LONG time before I want to attempt any kind of long road trip again.

When we arrived in Durham, things rapidly headed downhill -- our house we were so excited about was not ready to move in, it was disgusting, with an overgrown lawn, and tons of trash the previous tenants had left. The landlord was less than responsive. We had to stay in more hotels, virtually homeless. Working-class homeless as I called it. We would stay as long as we could until check out, then live in our car for the day, trying to keep Myrapup out of the heat, trying to find a new place to live, trying to take care of paying for all the deposits for utilities, all while not really sure where everything was located. It was stressful for all of us.

When it looked like we would have to make a hard decision (go stay with my parents, have Tim drive up to Mass while Myra and I stayed in an extended stay place, etc), when we really needed to find a place to live where we could get in immediately, we found a new home. And the tide turned again. The house is perfect for all of us. Really quiet (for Tim). Huge yard for Myra. Clean and well-maintained (for me). We have great landlords. We were able to move into the house a day after looking at it. It's furnished, which helps, because it is a lot bigger than what we had before. The stuff we don't want/need, we are putting in a storage shed, but for the most part, it complements our stuff well.

I found out from Campbell that it is a no -- for now. They really like me and want to talk to me if another position opens up, they said it's just not the best fit for this particular consulting group, and honestly, I had got that feeling from the consultant who heads up that group. So I am a Duke girl now. I might keep job searching, who knows. But at least I have a job, and our life can settle and we can find a new normal now. Trust me, just sitting here, blogging, with my boy and my pup in the next room, knowing we don't have to be anywhere, is a most welcome slice of heaven right now.

Day One

Yesterday we began packing up the truck and our life, trying to make it all fit into a space no longer than 8' long (we would get charged extra for going over 8'). Tim, poor boy, had to load the truck virtually by himself. Our friend Steve was great about coming by, helping with the couch and boxes we had already packed, but he had to go home to get ready for his class. I had to run around doing last minute errands for a good part of the day. That meant Tim was the only one moving boxes into the truck.

And why is it that it seems that no matter how much you have packed, you always have more to do, and it seems like you will never possibly be done? We were packing and cleaning past midnight then got up bright and early to finish up.

At the end of day one, we are safely in a La Quinta in Caldwell, Idaho, near Boise. (If you have pets, and travel, stay at La Quinta. They are really great). I now love Myra more than ever, because she was a complete angel today and last night, even when she had no reason to be. Her whole world has turned upside down and inside out, and then had an 8-hour car ride. She was flat and quiet for most of the trip, and she was annoying us initially because she was refusing to go poo, but then we realized she would let us know when it was urgent, and she did. The only real side effect to all this change is that she seems more clingy with both of us. If one of us leaves her sight, she gets whiny and pacy and wants to come with us. But I'm sure she will get back to normal when her world normalizes.

It's weird to know that we have left Portland and Oregon only this morning. It seems longer and further away from when we got in the car this morning. The drive proved exactly how changeable Oregon is. We went from city to lush green fertileness in the Gorge, to flat desert area to an area with mountains and evergreens that looked like Idaho, to these really cool hills in shades of brown, red and green that were really pretty to drive through.

Myra asleep now, and we are one day closer to our new life.

Goodbye to Portland

Last night was my last outdoor exercise class, and it was a nice way to say goodbye to the city. We ran down by the river, and the sun came out after a day of rain and clouds. I got to look at how beautiful Portland is, run by a lot of things I've run by a good number of times, and see my favorite light. It's hard to describe, but the air is really clear here, and once in a while, when the light is right, things kind of glow and have this shimmering clarity around them. That light was out last night.

I usually end up running with Kim, but for at least part of it, I was running by myself, which gave me space to say my mental goodbyes to this city.

Even though Portland didn't end up working out for us, I'm so glad we came out here. I always wanted to live on the west coast and I'm glad I got the chance to realize that dream. I discovered that I am really a trail runner at heart. I reconnected with my inner wild nature child. In Mass...it's harder to feel connected to the earth and nature, because everything is so developed, and now I realize how important it is for me to be around trees and undeveloped areas. Since people out here are so green and environmentally conscious, it made me more aware of little things I can do to make a difference. I feel like I've grown here and rediscovered/discovered parts of me I either forgot about or hadn't yet met.

But now as I sit looking at the truck sitting on our street, waiting for us to load our stuff onto it, and we prepare to move once again...I find myself desperately wanting to be settled. I think Tim and I are going to really work to make North Carolina stick. Lisa stopped by to say goodbye to us and to myrawonderpup, and after she left, I was just a mess. I'm so tired of leaving friends, starting over someplace new with no friends, no one I can call to get coffee when I need to talk. I have three really great, close friends, Lisa, Rosemary and Mik, and now I officially won't live near any of them. I know I will make new friends, but it's hard to leave and uproot and start over again.

Right now, I'm in an ending place, and endings are always hard. Once I switch to a beginning place, things will seem fun and exciting and I'll be looking forward to new adventures. Now I am honoring and remembering what we have here and saying goodbye.

Where in the world is Kelly Sandiego (a la Carmen Sandiego)

So, it's been more than a month since I posted last. Last time I checked I hadn't fallen off the face of the earth, but it's been a whirlwind here.

Since I last posted, I went to visit North Carolina and liked it. The area felt like home, more so than Portland ever has. While I was there, I had an interview with Duke for a writer position. Came home and had a week of phone interviews and editing tests with another company. My best friend from college came out for almost a week. I've had more follow up with Duke and the other company. We found an absolutely adorable house to rent that is in the perfect location and seems very cozy.

And then packing started...because we are moving, next week actually. Yes, it came up that fast. It was primarily a financial decision, since I'm not working much, we were having to dip into our savings for some expenses, and we figured it made sense to move sooner rather than later.

As much as I can't believe we are moving AGAIN (This will be our fourth move in two years, and our second cross country move in two years), I'm looking forward to starting a new adventure in Durham.

And my job situation has improved in leaps and bounds. I was officially offered the Duke job, and I have a six-hour interview with the other place the day after we get into town. And yesterday I was contacted by another company I had applied to, they wanted to talk to me for two different positions. After feeling invisible and un-marketable in the job market out here, it is so nice to have attention and strong interest from different places in Durham. It just makes me feel like this is where we are supposed to be right now and as a result, we have positive things coming back into our life. It felt like we were fighting and fighting to make things work here in Portland, and it was energy spent in a not-positive way. This feels right now.

jjj..ob interview!

At a little-known place called Duke University.

They called today, I'm going to meet with them next week when I am in NC, about a position as a staff writer at the Clinical Research Institute (part of their medical center).

Very excited. Even if nothing happens, it's ok. We're moving forward again, not staying stuck in one place. And it just feels like further confirmation that NC could be a good thing for us. Portland was good for us when we came here, and working at my last job, despite the challenges, was a really good thing, because it was great experience with a well-known academic medical center. But now Portland isn't where we need to be right now. And I feel like we are headed in a good direction again.

time for me, time for planning

I really don't have any work to do, so instead I'm going to use the time before my trip to focus on me, to plan for the trip, job search in NC, and just generally do good things for myself.

That includes journaling, stretching, more strength training, trying gluten-free recipes (had a minor flare up again, discovered while I might be able to eat spelt once in a while, I can't have it all the time, since it still contains gluten. I think twice a week, with two or three days in between is about the most I should have it).

I will also plan out things to see and do in Raleigh/Durham while I'm there, try to plan out routes to take while I'm there so I make the most of my time there.

I'm also going to spend time working on my story.

I have all this time right now that I don't have to be doing anything, so it is just going to be all focusing on good for me things.

a misfit, a puzzle piece that doesn't fit

That would be me, apparently, at least in regards to the small universe my mom lives in.

I think a lot of our conflict stems from the fact that my mom doesn't understand me, and because I don't fit into her view of the world, she thinks my decisions are bad decisions...because they are ones she can't understand and would never contemplate.

We come at life from completely opposite perspectives, and not only does it make it hard for her to understand how I live my life, but I think she sees me (or maybe herself?) as a failure somehow, because I don't fit her expectations. She is very tied to STUFF. She is always shopping. She always buys STUFF, for her, for her house, and buying stuff is how she shows she loves someone.

And she is afraid of a lot. Change is a big one. She doesn't handle change well at all. And she really does have a small world.

What's important to her, is just not important to me, and I think she wonders why and feels bad, because I have really nothing of her in my personality.

In her world, clean windows and fancy guest towels that match the shower curtain are important. Having good china and crystal are important. Making sure all your clothes are ironed is important.

None of that is important to me. I don't have window curtains. If I can see fine out the windows, I would never think to clean them. Our towels don't match, and we certainly don't have and never will have guest towels, the ones that hang on display that no one can use. I don't own an iron. Owning plates I would never use just seems like a waste. Over christmas, she got really upset thinking that when she dies, I would most likely sell all her stuff. I told her I would keep what's important to me, but china plates really arent' that important to me. And she was really upset, saying "but they are important to me."

She values stuff. I think having stuff makes her feel secure. I think she judges her place in the world, and others, by how much or how little stuff they have. I don't value stuff. Tim and I, we value experiences. We would rather have less stuff so we can do more things.

We aren't afraid of change. Sure, it can be scary, but it is also a fun adventure. We like seeing where life is going to take us. We like trying new things.

Like moving. When I told my dad we were likely moving to north carolina, he was excited to have us close by, and figured we would move at some point, because neither Tim or I are especially rooted in one place.

To my mother, nothing is scarier, and nothing makes less sense. She thought it was a mistake. She kept saying stuff like, "what happens if you don't like it there?" Are you just going to move again in a few years? (answer...probably, yes). And I know in some ways, she considers me this flaky kid who is making irresponsible decisions, who can't hold a job, and who doesn't have roots. She thinks that because I have left several jobs that looks bad (to her? to her friends?). What she really wants me to do is live somewhere in New England, have a steady job, and stay there, whether it is healthy for me or not. I would have a house, I would stay in one place.

And she knows that is not me and she hates that I will never be the daughter she envisioned. (I'm not saying she hates me, I know that's not true, just that she doesn't understand how she has a daughter who doesn't value anything she does, and who doesn't fit her preconceived notion of what her daughter would be like).

And that's where the misfit part comes in. I don't fit with what she wants, with what she understands, so she can't look at my decisions, at my way of life, as a positive thing.

My mom to me towards the end of the conversation when I told her we were very likely moving, "well, I'm sorry, I just have a lot of mixed feelings about this."

But progress for me...I don't. I'm not upset by her reaction, I'm not angry. It just is. I'm excited for us, I'm excited for a new adventure, and Tim and I know we are doing the right thing for us, whether she understands or approves or not.

Roadtrip!!

So, I have booked a flight to NC in a few weeks, to check out what it is like there, see if it is a place we could comfortably live, check out what it's like to drive around, trail access for running, all that sort of thing.

I will be there from Tuesday morning through Friday evening, and I'm going without Tim because it would be that much more expensive for both of us to fly out and board myrapup.

But then I was talking to Slunt (my best friend), and she said she would love to go with me. Tim and I talked and said how not only would it be really cool, but it would give us more than just my opinion, I would have more fun, etc. After some back and forthing, and some pleading and cajoling on my end, she will fly down to meet me!

I'll be there Tuesday and Wednesday by myself, and then will pick her up Wed. night and she flies home Fri morning.

I am SO excited. I haven't seen her since Christmas, and we've both been missing each other. Plus, whenever I go back east, I usually only have one evening to spend with her, so it will be nice to get more time with her. And other than when I traveled in Europe, I've never been on a girlfriend road trip, so it just made the trip a lot more fun.

Hooray!!