who were you? Who are you now?

Several things have come up recently that got me thinking about who I used to be when I was younger (in grade school and later), and how I've changed.

We watched the Bridge to Terabithia a few weeks ago (not at all how it is advertised -- the fantasy elements are actually a fairly small portion of the movie, and what you see in the previews is almost everything you actually see in the movie for the Terabithia stuff). Most of the movie focuses on the kids' lives at home and at school, how they are picked on for being outsiders and different.

I was that kid in grade school, in junior high, high school. I was always picked last in gym class. I was picked on by bullies. I hated riding the bus, because kids would pick on me. I would always try to sit up as close to the driver as possible with my nose buried in a book, hoping the bullies would just leave me alone.

And on a message board I frequent, one of the women said that her 8 year old daughter asked why no one likes her.

I was that kid too. I had friends, but more often than not, they excluded me. I always had to call them, and ask them to do stuff, it was not returned. I was the loud, silly girl, who cut off all her hair and wore mismatched earrings and loud/bright/odd clothes who always said she didn't care what people thought of her, but inside I was so shy, and always felt like I had no real friends, and that no one really knew me. I was invisible to guys, and always acted like I didn't care that I wasn't going to prom or anything like that. But I did care.

Today, at almost 30, I am worlds away from that sad, insecure girl. I have friends who I know will be there for me no matter what, friends who I know love me and know who I really am.

I have Tim and a wonderful, happy life with him.

Today, I am confident about speaking up for myself. I can honestly say I like who I am today. And I can say and mean that now I really don't care what other people think of me. The people who matter know who I am, flaws and all, and that's the important thing.

And the kid who was never athletic, who never played team sports, is a runner and a hiker and gets asked to play on recreational soccer leagues.

There is still a part of me that is shy, especially in group situations, the little girl who was always the wallflower at parties and dances is still there, but I know how to talk to people until I feel comfortable.

Who were you? Who are you now?