very pretty spam

This came in from the external website inbox I monitor for work.

The subject was "Autocad ready to download" (which is great all by itself). It is some of the prettiest worded spam I've seen in some time:

The mortal architect had brought to life,
Clear-voiced despite its years, strong, eloquent—
The pain of being born into matter.
Like an old soldier, wakeful, in his tent!
And melt the spirit; his mouth will distend
Seems reflected in the infinite of the lamps.VI. Smeerenburg and the Whale-Oil Rush
A salamander scuttles across the quietAlberti, Brunelleschi, Sangallo,
the foul pole relaxes. She's raged all afternoon
To listen, by the sputtering, smoking fire,
And half-starved foxes shake and paw
Against this sky no longer of our world

Eight, eight is great!

Me and Mik, one of my closest and bestest friends.
















A lot of bloggly ladies have been playing tag, and posting eight facts about themselves.

I haven't been tagged, but I wanted to play too, so I am :)

1. I have onion-phobia. I HATE onions. Smell, taste, raw, cooked. If there are onions in something, I have to pick them out before I can eat it, if there are too many onions, and it tastes oniony, I can't eat it at all. But I love garlic.

2. Since 2003, I have lived in eight different houses, in three different states (Mass, Oregon, NC). We've only been in our current house for two months, but I really like it, and feel at home for the first time in a long time.

3. I love journals and pens and stickers and stamps, but I dont' always journal as often as I should. I tend to go in spurts, sometimes journaling four times per day, sometimes nothing for weeks. I once wrote a journal entry, with my journal asking why I didn't play with it more often.

4. I had to start eating chicken after being strict vegetarian for nine years, because I found out I can't eat wheat or gluten, and my food options felt very limited. I actually like it much more than I thought I would, but I have to deliberately not think about what I'm eating. While I will never eat meat again, I do admit that burgers on the grill smell really good.

5. I was a certified scuba diver by the age of 13. I would live in the water if I could.

6. I don't like watching sports, but I love sports movies, like Invincible and Glory Road. I love rooting for the underdog.

7. I am an only child. When I was little, I planned to run away if my parents had another kid. Now I wish I had a brother or sister. I also have a very vivid, and weird, imagination. I used to pretend on road trips, that we were being followed, that my parents were actually kidnapping me, and planning how I would escape and get away.

8. I will often walk around a store, carrying something I like, then put it back when we leave. I like carrying it around, and admiring it, but I don't always want to spend the money to buy it.

This was fun!

we're in the south now...

I had the radio on in the car, when I heard an announcement for the 7th Annual Bubba Lympics -- featuring spam carving, toilet seat tossing and more.

I'm pretty sure the radio station is doing this as a joke, and to let people make fun of how people see southerners. But....I'm also pretty sure that there are going to be some people who are going to be completely excited to partake, and will be only to proud and happy to show off their bubba-ness.

I told Tim I heard the announcement with amused horror.

Halfway there...

Good morning from Aurora, Colorado, where the mountains are beautiful, but there was more flat farmland than we were anticipating. I think I somehow expected the entire state to be mountains lol.

We have driven for three days, we have three more to go. We aren't quite halfway there with miles, we will hit the halfway mile marker this morning.

Yesterday was Wyoming and Colorado. Wyoming, at least southern Wyoming...SUCKS. Big. Flat. Not that pretty or interesting. Nothing to look at. No stops for hundreds of miles. We stopped at a rest area to let Myra go out -- it didn't go well. Poor pup apparently has sensitive feet, and since that part of Wyoming is mostly desert, she didn't want to be on the grass at all, she kept picking up one of her feet like it hurt her, but really, she just didn't want to be walking on dry prickly desert grass. Because there wasn't really any grass, she was having a really hard time going out, she's always gone on grass. We finally just walked her down a gravel road off the rest area for a little bit, until her body overrode her desire to not go the bathroom in this strange place. After that, she was great for the rest of the day.

We passed an exit with a McDonald's and Wendy's right after we stopped at the rest area for Myra, and we weren't quite hungry for lunch, so we decided to keep driving till the next exit. Big mistake. We drove for more than two hours after that (doing 85-90 for most of it) until we finally found another exit. Not just another exit with food, another exit. There were maybe five other exits in between, with two advertising food. But it is so flat and empty out there, you can see for miles in either direction, and there was nothing there, not even houses. The two exits that proudly proclaimed they had food -- they had old gas stations and that was it. That does not count as food. We couldn't eat and get out of Wyoming fast enough.

Once we got into Colorado, things improved. We stopped in a real town (after Wyoming, it was like the Mecca), got real coffee and drove out towards Rocky Mountain National Park. Wow. Just wow. HUGE mountains and rocks, driving alongside a river, winding up the mountains, watching the clouds and light change. We intended to drive to one of the parks and go on a nice little walk, but we were driving up the mountain for over half an hour with no idea of when we were going to hit the park, and it looked like it was going to rain, so we stopped along the side of the road, and let Myra have fun sniffing around at new things. It made us all feel better.

I actually got to have a real dinner last night, and not more McDonald's or Wendy's salad. It's weird that after 9 years of not eating chicken, I've eaten it twice a day for the past four or five days. But if I wasn't, I would either be starving or very malnourished at this point. At least I'm eating fairly healthy this trip, on the first drive across the country, I lived off veggie burgers. Now I'm living off chicken salads, but at least there are some vegetables.

Today is Kansas and Missouri, and we are planning to have a really long day today, since obviously there won't be any scenery. Now that we are officially at the halfway point and are past all the pretty states I wanted to see, I just want to be there, and see our new yellow house. Few more days...

And the clouds broke...

Wow, what a difference a little sunshine can make. It's been cloudy, grey and raining for a while now, with not many times when the sun has been shining. It came out for a little while, and my mood, which wasn't bad to begin with, immediately brightened with the addition of the sunlight.

It felt springier. It felt happier. It was really nice to see the sun, and while I know the sunlight and lack of sunlight affect me, I didn't realize how happy a little sunshine can make me. And of course as soon as I brought Myrawonderpup back in from her walk, it clouded up again. But at least there was a little break.

Friends, movies, and homophobia

It's been a movie-filled couple of days.

Thursday night, we went to see the Mark Wahlberg film, Shooter. A good action film, with JFK and 9/11 conspiracy theories peppered throughout. At one point in the movie, they showed a building sign for the Department of Justice, and I think it is rather sad and telling that my thought was "Justice for whom?" As much as I've tried to not pay attention or ignore things going on in our country, and in the world, I really can't. And I know that there is a lot of corruption. That the rich can buy their freedom. The government can label anyone a terrorist and send them off to detainment with no proof and hold them indefinitely. The government bullies people into not questioning things that don't necessarily add up. I love this country, I love the ideals it can and should represent. It makes me sad but I guess the only thing we can do is be aware and speak out against things like that.

Last night, we went to dinner with Lisa and Steve and then went to see Blades of Glory. Parts of it were very silly, parts disgusting in a funny way. But Tim and I both said the same thing after the movie...when did it become acceptable to use homophobia for comedy? If it were two women skating as a pair, it probably would've been marketed as soft core porn, but two men was seen as disgusting/weird/controversial. And one of the previews we saw was for "I pronounce you Chuck and Larry," a dumb looking comedy that has Adam Sandler and Kevin James getting married to get pensions from the fire department. It just seems like it is acceptable to use gay people as a punchline.

Some fun links

Ever played with Stumble? It's a Firefox add-on. You fill out a profile of things you are interested in and then just hit Stumble! and it pulls up random Web sites that are generally in the categories you checked off. You can vote on each page, thumbs up or thumbs down, and it helps Stumble fine-tune the pages you get. Obviously, there's some crap, but you also find really cool sites, that you might not have stumbled on otherwise.

Some recent ones I found and liked:

This because it just makes me smile.

Amazing dog photographer. Check out a few of his pictures, he's really talented.

Some funny, and very non-pc T-shirts

Dude! This video is very cute. Happy hamster. Watch to see his feet spazz out in joy.

Odd/different hotels. There are some I definitely wouldn't stay in (the drainpipe is a definite pass) but the underwater one is COOL! And there's one from Portland, I've actually been there for dinner.

Funny animals. Who doesn't love funny animal pics? If you answered that you don't, well, clearly you are not one of my friends.

This is especially for Mik.

perfect saturday

Woke up, went to my outdoor exercise class, where I had a good run in the rain. It was quietly raining, and everything smelled green and clean and earthy. In between running loops, we did a lot of strength training stuff, planks, high steps/squats, all sorts of good things. I felt great at the end.

Came home, went to the produce stand and got all my fresh fruit and veggies for the week.

We had planned on going to the Chinese garden, but it was raining fairly steadily, and it just didn't seem like it would be as much fun in the rain. So instead, I talked to a friend for an hour (Hi Savannah!) and then journaled a ton. Read some, napped some, made spelt bread french toast for dinner, then we watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith again, the movie is just funny and fun.

A great way to spend a rainy, mellow saturday.

goodbye size 4

For a relatively short period of time, I was a size four. At the time, I loved that I was able to buy clothes that small, and I felt good about myself because of a number.

I kept a lot of the clothes, thinking maybe I would fit in them again, but today, I cleaned out my closet and bureau, and came up with two and a half bags to donate, and another half to 3/4 bag of clothes to throw away. Most of the clothes being donated are my size fours.

I like where I am now, and I think (and Tim agrees) that I look healthier now than I did as a four, because I looked unhealthy skinny at that weight. It's also a very hard weight to maintain for me, which makes me think that while I can get down to that size, it is not where it is best for my body to be.

I don't care anymore that I'm not a size four. I care more about the fact that I feel stronger, that I feel healthier, that I can run for long periods of time, that my running speeds have improved. And that now that I have figured out I can't handle gluten, my bloating and stomach pain have gone away.

It felt great to get rid of those clothes, and to like my body for more than just a clothes size.

time for me, time for planning

I really don't have any work to do, so instead I'm going to use the time before my trip to focus on me, to plan for the trip, job search in NC, and just generally do good things for myself.

That includes journaling, stretching, more strength training, trying gluten-free recipes (had a minor flare up again, discovered while I might be able to eat spelt once in a while, I can't have it all the time, since it still contains gluten. I think twice a week, with two or three days in between is about the most I should have it).

I will also plan out things to see and do in Raleigh/Durham while I'm there, try to plan out routes to take while I'm there so I make the most of my time there.

I'm also going to spend time working on my story.

I have all this time right now that I don't have to be doing anything, so it is just going to be all focusing on good for me things.

The last mimzy

We went to see the last mimzy last night, and it was a really cool movie.

Cool effects, good, believable brother/sister relationship (both kids were great in this, the girl was adorable), and just a neat story that is different enough from other movies that have tackled similar topics.

Interestingly, the movie started off in the future about how people had become too isolated, more in touch with technology than with other people, that they lost their humanity in a way. And this is something I've wondered and thought about, you look around you on a bus or a train, everyone is on a cell phone or text messaging, or on their computer or listening to their ipod, in their own world. With online shopping, online groceries (admittedly, I am guilty of both), online banking, movies that you can purchase straight from your tv, etc, it's becoming a world where you not only don't have to leave your house, you don't have to any human interaction at all.

And then I wonder why blogs are so popular these days. It seems like people desperately want a connection with others, want to know they are not alone in things they are facing in their daily lives, glimpsing to see how other people live...but again it is all remote and separate from people in the real world.

While technology can mean great things for people, for the world, it does mean more isolation, and that is a sad road to go down.

Just rambling.

Roadtrip!!

So, I have booked a flight to NC in a few weeks, to check out what it is like there, see if it is a place we could comfortably live, check out what it's like to drive around, trail access for running, all that sort of thing.

I will be there from Tuesday morning through Friday evening, and I'm going without Tim because it would be that much more expensive for both of us to fly out and board myrapup.

But then I was talking to Slunt (my best friend), and she said she would love to go with me. Tim and I talked and said how not only would it be really cool, but it would give us more than just my opinion, I would have more fun, etc. After some back and forthing, and some pleading and cajoling on my end, she will fly down to meet me!

I'll be there Tuesday and Wednesday by myself, and then will pick her up Wed. night and she flies home Fri morning.

I am SO excited. I haven't seen her since Christmas, and we've both been missing each other. Plus, whenever I go back east, I usually only have one evening to spend with her, so it will be nice to get more time with her. And other than when I traveled in Europe, I've never been on a girlfriend road trip, so it just made the trip a lot more fun.

Hooray!!

On being a drinking lightweight

It's no surprise that I've always been not much into drinking. It affects me really quickly, it makes my stomach bloat out, and it makes me really sleepy.

I started to wonder if I was allergic to alcohol.

And then this weekend when I confirmed that I don't handle gluten or wheat well at all, well, I really am allergic to alcohol!

There are times when my no-drinking made me feel lame, or not really fitting in, or not joining in on parties and such. I used to feel a little out of place with Tim, especially at first, because he was used to going out to get a drink with friends, and I just never really had any interest in being around alcohol.

I don't feel that way anymore, and pretty much everyone doesn't care, it's just weird how you feel left out and different because you don't do something that just about everybody else does, even if it is only in your mind.

2 hour workout!!!

Today, I loaded up my shuffle with a tough Cardio Coach workout (these are great, it's like having a personal trainer in your ear, giving you challenges like sprints and hill climbs, all based on your perceived exertion, so you get a great workout) and went to Tryon Creek. Lots of sprints, and six minutes of hill climbs at close to my max heart rate, lots of fun.

I headed back to the Nature Center to stretch and do some pushups, when I ran into some of the women from my Saturday exercise class. They were just about to start a class, and I was feeling good, so I joined them for workout number two, and Amy took us on a long, hilly run.

Amazingly, I felt GREAT during both workouts, and ended up running for almost two hours, with a bunch of push ups, ab work, plies and leg work added in.

It was warm out, so I was running in shorts, and ended up caked in mud all over my legs.

One of the best runs I've had maybe ever. GRIN!

laZy day

We went to the 10:45 showing of 300 last night, and as a result didn't get to bed till after 1 a.m. I got up with Myra at 6:30, set my alarm to see if I could go to class, promptly shut it off when it went off, climbed back into bed and slept till 10:30. Then the three of us proceeded to take a family nap for about three hours after we took Myra to the school to play for a while.

So...let me recap...sleep, more sleep, playing with myra, more sleep.

Yeah, that counts as lazy.

300 and being a snob

We went to see 300 last night...holy shit it was intense and awesome! Totally deserving of the hype, it was probably the biggest movie to have come out recently. We were cheering, we were cringing, and totally hoping that somehow the 300 would live in the end...

"THIS.IS.SPARTA!!!!!!!"

And the fact that there is a Legolas/Gimli type of relationship between two of the fighters was great.

As for being a snob, we went to one theater out on the Rt.1 kind of street (SE 82nd...walmarts, lots of RV places, just kind of...tacky). The show was sold out there, but we felt kind of dirty with the people who were there, and didn't really want to watch it there anyway. So, I think we are officially snobs, because we left that theater and went to the chi-chi, swanky theater at the swanky, yuppy outdoor shopping place and much preferred it.

Cool side of the pillow

When I was little, I always went to bed with Ted and Quilt. Quilt was a small quilt with flowers on one side and patches with disney characters on the other side. I would always spread Quilt out over my pillow and would wake a few times during the night to switch Quilt to the other, cooler side.

While I still have Ted, and will still sleep with him on occasion (although now I rotate with one of my two ellies that Mik gave me), Quilt has long since fallen apart and was eventually thrown away. But I still love when I find the cool side of the pillow, it is a quiet small comfort in the night.

What are your small comforts or things you like when you are sleeping?

the me who is not me

Between my skin and not sleeping and still waiting to hear about the job and having really no work to do at all, I have definitely not been "me" lately. I'm sure I've been mildly depressed, which I'm sure has been contributing to my lack of desire to do stuff (well, that and not sleeping much for a week). The fact that I've still been exercising pretty consistently is more from my desire to not lose ground aerobically than any real strong desire to exercise.

But tonight...it went away. My head feels normal. I feel more aware and alert. I'm sure it helps that I broke out the wonder skin medicine. But it's nice to feel like me again :)

one step forward...one leap backwards

Sigh.

So, the diet. Stomach-wise, it is going really, really well. No bloating, no pain, none of the other problems I was having before.

But my skin.

My poor, wrecked skin. It's just not getting better. I've been on the diet for over two weeks now, and the first few days, my skin broke out horribly, and I went back on my skin medicine for a few days to clear up the worst of it. I've been off my skin medicine for over a week now and there has been no improvement.

I don't mean I have pimples or anything. I have large, angry red welts that virtually cover my back, arm and chest. My back is more red and blotchy and covered in welts than there are skin colored bits. It itches. It hurts to shower. It hurts to put on moisturizer. I'm not sleeping well because I feel like my skin is crawling at night.

And my poor face. I've told Tim countless times over the last few days how ugly I feel. I have bright red blotches on my face, and my lips are red and peeling from just under my nose to well below my bottom lip. The only thing I am grateful for is that I don't have the welts and raised spots that I have everywhere else. My face just looks I got a sunburn in several weird places.

I'm seeing the naturopath again on Thursday, to see what she recommends. If she doesn't have anything to help me, I'm going to go to a different dermatologist. I just don't know what to do at this point.

:(

who were you? Who are you now?

Several things have come up recently that got me thinking about who I used to be when I was younger (in grade school and later), and how I've changed.

We watched the Bridge to Terabithia a few weeks ago (not at all how it is advertised -- the fantasy elements are actually a fairly small portion of the movie, and what you see in the previews is almost everything you actually see in the movie for the Terabithia stuff). Most of the movie focuses on the kids' lives at home and at school, how they are picked on for being outsiders and different.

I was that kid in grade school, in junior high, high school. I was always picked last in gym class. I was picked on by bullies. I hated riding the bus, because kids would pick on me. I would always try to sit up as close to the driver as possible with my nose buried in a book, hoping the bullies would just leave me alone.

And on a message board I frequent, one of the women said that her 8 year old daughter asked why no one likes her.

I was that kid too. I had friends, but more often than not, they excluded me. I always had to call them, and ask them to do stuff, it was not returned. I was the loud, silly girl, who cut off all her hair and wore mismatched earrings and loud/bright/odd clothes who always said she didn't care what people thought of her, but inside I was so shy, and always felt like I had no real friends, and that no one really knew me. I was invisible to guys, and always acted like I didn't care that I wasn't going to prom or anything like that. But I did care.

Today, at almost 30, I am worlds away from that sad, insecure girl. I have friends who I know will be there for me no matter what, friends who I know love me and know who I really am.

I have Tim and a wonderful, happy life with him.

Today, I am confident about speaking up for myself. I can honestly say I like who I am today. And I can say and mean that now I really don't care what other people think of me. The people who matter know who I am, flaws and all, and that's the important thing.

And the kid who was never athletic, who never played team sports, is a runner and a hiker and gets asked to play on recreational soccer leagues.

There is still a part of me that is shy, especially in group situations, the little girl who was always the wallflower at parties and dances is still there, but I know how to talk to people until I feel comfortable.

Who were you? Who are you now?