When personal monsters lose their power

My Ex was a personal monster of mine. I spent the last few years of the relationship very afraid of his anger, his temper. I was always looking over my shoulder, expecting him to show up at my work, angry or accusing me of cheating on him.

When I broke up with him, I was afraid of what he might do. He harassed me, called me at work all the time, crying or angry. I didn't want him to know where I was living, because I was afraid he would show up there.

The last time I saw him in person was more than two years ago, when I decided in one of the hardest decisions of my life, to return my beloved Loveday cat to him. T and I were going to be moving across country, and Loveday was absolutely terrified of travel, to the point of making herself hyperventilate. I thought it would be better and safer for her to go and live with him again, since I know he loved her and would give her a good life. But when I saw him, to drop Loveday off, I felt sick to my stomach from being scared of seeing him. T was in the car, and he and I had worked out a signal in case my ex did anything that made me uncomfortable.

But time passes, and I have healed and grown stronger. I'm happy and whole now.

I saw his picture yesterday, on the staff page of the newspaper I used to work for, where I met him. And it didn't affect me. A few years ago, just seeing his face would have made me feel uncomfortable. But I was fine, he was just a person, no longer a personal monster. He had no hold over me anymore. I even wrote to him, because I saw that he been named chief photographer for the paper, something he had wanted for a long time. So I wrote to him, to say congratulations, and we chatted back and forth a few times. I had thought about trying to email him a few times before, because I wanted to know how my Loveday was, but I didn't want him to have my contact information.

But now, with time and healing and a loving, wonderful relationship with T, I see that he is not a monster. He is a person who has a lot of issues and a lot of problems, but they don't affect me, and he can't hurt me anymore.

It felt good to release him and know that he no longer has any power over me. I don't have to worry anymore.