Things I am proud of in 2005

1. I put away enough money from Tim and myself to move across country and buy what we needed to set up out here

2. When athena told me initially that I wouldn't be able to take my job with me, we didn't give up on our dream of moving to Portland. I told them if I couldn't take my job with me, I would have to quit. Hooray for not letting anything stop us from moving out here.

3. I got serious about running again, and even when we first moved out here and I couldn't find good places to run, I didn't give up on running. And now I'm back doing it almost every day!

4. Whenever tim and I had problems (hating atherton, me not having any friends and feeling isolated, not liking working from home), we were able to talk things through and fix the problem. I have seen our relationship grow even stronger this year and I couldn't be happier.

5. I found a job posting for a job that sounded perfect for me, and I applied, and every time I went in for an interview, I was so confident I would get it. I got the job, got a $16,000 pay raise, which made our money situation so much better. I am well respected at my job, it challenges me, I am learning more about marketing writing, and the material interests me. It may not be perfect, but I am learning a lot.

6. We started exploring out here, and I can't wait to do more of it!

7. I stood up to my mother, several times. Once, telling them I really didn't think it was a good idea for them to come out and visit us so soon after mom's seizure and fracturing her back. Again when I told her we were not going to come back east on Christmas because it would cost us too much money, and we weren't comfortable with that. And then not giving in to her when she wanted to put a plane ticket on her credit card for me to come back, because I wasn't comfortable with how long it would take me to pay it back. As a result, we had a great christmas, we got to give each other presents, we were able to get presents for our friends and family, and we are starting 2006 in a financially positive and not stressful way. Hooray!

8. I have taken some small steps to making new friends out here, and I know that my efforts will be rewarded soon.

9. I have learned that my friends won't always be there for me in the way that I want, but that it is not a reflection on me, it is them and their lives. I feel more accepting about that now.

10. I didn't go crazy on christmas presents for my parents, i got them both a few things and theater tickets so they can have a nice night out in boston, and I am not going to worry if my mother is upset about it. I put thought into the presents and bought was seemed acceptable, and I am very proud of myself for not spending as much money on Christmas presents as I usually do.

2005 was quite a year! I'm proud of the growth I made!

Dreams

Dreamed of Mark last night, that I found an article in a magazine where he was telling about how much I hurt him and how I ruined his life. The only thing, most of the things about me in the article were not true. I remember seeing that I was from New York and that my house had been burned in a fire. The article/Mark said that one of the cats, Emma, jumped out the window, but that he rescued Loveday. It made me so mad in the dream to see all these lies about me, and for people to think these things were true.

So, meaning? Maybe I really need to release my relationship with him, accept the lessons I learned and let it go. I know I have I moved on, I have changed, I have become much more positive again, and much more confident. But have I really stopped to look at the lessons I learned with him? Such as I can't live being what someone else wants, I have the right to say no, and I can walk away from bad decisions and make my life over. Those are powerful and important lessons, and I am grateful for them. And then maybe, it was just a reminder going into a new year of how far I've come, and also, that people won't always see you for what you really are, but as long as you know, that's what matters.

creating abundance

I have started reading about new moon checks, where you write out a check to yourself, to let the Universe know you would like to start receiving abundance in your life.

I like this, this appeals to me. I want to work on visualizing what I want in my life, and I know that sometimes just putting the thought out into the universe helps it manifest. I also like the idea of being open to money and abundance, and being open to receiving gifts. Hey universe, if you have presents for me, I promise to enjoy them!

So, tonight, the last full night of 2005, during the new moon, I am going to write out a check to myself and see what the universe brings my way.

thoughts for 2006

2005 was a year of big change for me. Moved across country, worked from home, quit my job, got a new, much better paying job that interests me and will help me grow professionally, got a puppy, moved from a shitty apartment to a house that was very cute at first and now is starting to feel small and inconvenient.

For 2006, I am looking forward to being in a good financial position, where there is money to save, money to play with and some extra money to lower some bills. I want to focus more on things that are important to me: Personal writing, drawing, running, hiking, being healthy.

While I'm not unhealthy at the moment, I know I am not eating the best for my body, and I want to get back to eating very healthy all the time. Not so much to lose weight, but because I know I feel so much better when I am eating well.

I want to explore Portland more, and explore the Pacific Northwest. I am so excited to get to know our area better.

When we move, I want to find the best place for us. I want a good yard for Myra, a kitchen with good counter space, a house with lots of light, close to parks, close to places to walk to for coffee, good storage space, good layout. I am going to work on visualizations, and really focusing on what exactly we want in a house.

I'm excited for the new year. I feel optimistic and energetic. I feel tingling with possibility, with growth, with moving in a good direction.

Almost new year, so new traditions

Well, I've wanted to be better about journalling, and I think this might be a good place to get some thoughts down.

First, some pictures about my life out here in Portland.


Me on the gorgeous Oregon coast. Very different from the East Coast and from my beach in Marshfield, but very...me. I felt free and light and playful at the Oregon coast.

And Tim and Myra being silly.