I just started smiting them all

Heeeeeee...

This site has some really good religious bumper stickers, but ohmygod, the youtube video at the end. Watch it. It's funny, and it makes some valid religious criticisms. Watch the whole thing...the beginning is a little boring, but once he gets to smiting, I was snorting with laughter.

http://godlessamerican.org/

"Believe those who seek the truth. Doubt those who find it."

And the clouds broke...

Wow, what a difference a little sunshine can make. It's been cloudy, grey and raining for a while now, with not many times when the sun has been shining. It came out for a little while, and my mood, which wasn't bad to begin with, immediately brightened with the addition of the sunlight.

It felt springier. It felt happier. It was really nice to see the sun, and while I know the sunlight and lack of sunlight affect me, I didn't realize how happy a little sunshine can make me. And of course as soon as I brought Myrawonderpup back in from her walk, it clouded up again. But at least there was a little break.

Friends, movies, and homophobia

It's been a movie-filled couple of days.

Thursday night, we went to see the Mark Wahlberg film, Shooter. A good action film, with JFK and 9/11 conspiracy theories peppered throughout. At one point in the movie, they showed a building sign for the Department of Justice, and I think it is rather sad and telling that my thought was "Justice for whom?" As much as I've tried to not pay attention or ignore things going on in our country, and in the world, I really can't. And I know that there is a lot of corruption. That the rich can buy their freedom. The government can label anyone a terrorist and send them off to detainment with no proof and hold them indefinitely. The government bullies people into not questioning things that don't necessarily add up. I love this country, I love the ideals it can and should represent. It makes me sad but I guess the only thing we can do is be aware and speak out against things like that.

Last night, we went to dinner with Lisa and Steve and then went to see Blades of Glory. Parts of it were very silly, parts disgusting in a funny way. But Tim and I both said the same thing after the movie...when did it become acceptable to use homophobia for comedy? If it were two women skating as a pair, it probably would've been marketed as soft core porn, but two men was seen as disgusting/weird/controversial. And one of the previews we saw was for "I pronounce you Chuck and Larry," a dumb looking comedy that has Adam Sandler and Kevin James getting married to get pensions from the fire department. It just seems like it is acceptable to use gay people as a punchline.

jjj..ob interview!

At a little-known place called Duke University.

They called today, I'm going to meet with them next week when I am in NC, about a position as a staff writer at the Clinical Research Institute (part of their medical center).

Very excited. Even if nothing happens, it's ok. We're moving forward again, not staying stuck in one place. And it just feels like further confirmation that NC could be a good thing for us. Portland was good for us when we came here, and working at my last job, despite the challenges, was a really good thing, because it was great experience with a well-known academic medical center. But now Portland isn't where we need to be right now. And I feel like we are headed in a good direction again.

beautiful photos, simple moments

There's beauty wherever you look, even in the ordinary.

I really like these photos. Makes me want to pay more attention to little moments like this.

http://www.middle-fork.org/archives/2006/12/index.html

Biblical Plagues

As depicted by Peeps (found via Dooce)

Awesome. Peep terror is funny :)

Peep biblical plagues

Some fun links

Ever played with Stumble? It's a Firefox add-on. You fill out a profile of things you are interested in and then just hit Stumble! and it pulls up random Web sites that are generally in the categories you checked off. You can vote on each page, thumbs up or thumbs down, and it helps Stumble fine-tune the pages you get. Obviously, there's some crap, but you also find really cool sites, that you might not have stumbled on otherwise.

Some recent ones I found and liked:

This because it just makes me smile.

Amazing dog photographer. Check out a few of his pictures, he's really talented.

Some funny, and very non-pc T-shirts

Dude! This video is very cute. Happy hamster. Watch to see his feet spazz out in joy.

Odd/different hotels. There are some I definitely wouldn't stay in (the drainpipe is a definite pass) but the underwater one is COOL! And there's one from Portland, I've actually been there for dinner.

Funny animals. Who doesn't love funny animal pics? If you answered that you don't, well, clearly you are not one of my friends.

This is especially for Mik.

perfect saturday

Woke up, went to my outdoor exercise class, where I had a good run in the rain. It was quietly raining, and everything smelled green and clean and earthy. In between running loops, we did a lot of strength training stuff, planks, high steps/squats, all sorts of good things. I felt great at the end.

Came home, went to the produce stand and got all my fresh fruit and veggies for the week.

We had planned on going to the Chinese garden, but it was raining fairly steadily, and it just didn't seem like it would be as much fun in the rain. So instead, I talked to a friend for an hour (Hi Savannah!) and then journaled a ton. Read some, napped some, made spelt bread french toast for dinner, then we watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith again, the movie is just funny and fun.

A great way to spend a rainy, mellow saturday.

goodbye size 4

For a relatively short period of time, I was a size four. At the time, I loved that I was able to buy clothes that small, and I felt good about myself because of a number.

I kept a lot of the clothes, thinking maybe I would fit in them again, but today, I cleaned out my closet and bureau, and came up with two and a half bags to donate, and another half to 3/4 bag of clothes to throw away. Most of the clothes being donated are my size fours.

I like where I am now, and I think (and Tim agrees) that I look healthier now than I did as a four, because I looked unhealthy skinny at that weight. It's also a very hard weight to maintain for me, which makes me think that while I can get down to that size, it is not where it is best for my body to be.

I don't care anymore that I'm not a size four. I care more about the fact that I feel stronger, that I feel healthier, that I can run for long periods of time, that my running speeds have improved. And that now that I have figured out I can't handle gluten, my bloating and stomach pain have gone away.

It felt great to get rid of those clothes, and to like my body for more than just a clothes size.

time for me, time for planning

I really don't have any work to do, so instead I'm going to use the time before my trip to focus on me, to plan for the trip, job search in NC, and just generally do good things for myself.

That includes journaling, stretching, more strength training, trying gluten-free recipes (had a minor flare up again, discovered while I might be able to eat spelt once in a while, I can't have it all the time, since it still contains gluten. I think twice a week, with two or three days in between is about the most I should have it).

I will also plan out things to see and do in Raleigh/Durham while I'm there, try to plan out routes to take while I'm there so I make the most of my time there.

I'm also going to spend time working on my story.

I have all this time right now that I don't have to be doing anything, so it is just going to be all focusing on good for me things.

a misfit, a puzzle piece that doesn't fit

That would be me, apparently, at least in regards to the small universe my mom lives in.

I think a lot of our conflict stems from the fact that my mom doesn't understand me, and because I don't fit into her view of the world, she thinks my decisions are bad decisions...because they are ones she can't understand and would never contemplate.

We come at life from completely opposite perspectives, and not only does it make it hard for her to understand how I live my life, but I think she sees me (or maybe herself?) as a failure somehow, because I don't fit her expectations. She is very tied to STUFF. She is always shopping. She always buys STUFF, for her, for her house, and buying stuff is how she shows she loves someone.

And she is afraid of a lot. Change is a big one. She doesn't handle change well at all. And she really does have a small world.

What's important to her, is just not important to me, and I think she wonders why and feels bad, because I have really nothing of her in my personality.

In her world, clean windows and fancy guest towels that match the shower curtain are important. Having good china and crystal are important. Making sure all your clothes are ironed is important.

None of that is important to me. I don't have window curtains. If I can see fine out the windows, I would never think to clean them. Our towels don't match, and we certainly don't have and never will have guest towels, the ones that hang on display that no one can use. I don't own an iron. Owning plates I would never use just seems like a waste. Over christmas, she got really upset thinking that when she dies, I would most likely sell all her stuff. I told her I would keep what's important to me, but china plates really arent' that important to me. And she was really upset, saying "but they are important to me."

She values stuff. I think having stuff makes her feel secure. I think she judges her place in the world, and others, by how much or how little stuff they have. I don't value stuff. Tim and I, we value experiences. We would rather have less stuff so we can do more things.

We aren't afraid of change. Sure, it can be scary, but it is also a fun adventure. We like seeing where life is going to take us. We like trying new things.

Like moving. When I told my dad we were likely moving to north carolina, he was excited to have us close by, and figured we would move at some point, because neither Tim or I are especially rooted in one place.

To my mother, nothing is scarier, and nothing makes less sense. She thought it was a mistake. She kept saying stuff like, "what happens if you don't like it there?" Are you just going to move again in a few years? (answer...probably, yes). And I know in some ways, she considers me this flaky kid who is making irresponsible decisions, who can't hold a job, and who doesn't have roots. She thinks that because I have left several jobs that looks bad (to her? to her friends?). What she really wants me to do is live somewhere in New England, have a steady job, and stay there, whether it is healthy for me or not. I would have a house, I would stay in one place.

And she knows that is not me and she hates that I will never be the daughter she envisioned. (I'm not saying she hates me, I know that's not true, just that she doesn't understand how she has a daughter who doesn't value anything she does, and who doesn't fit her preconceived notion of what her daughter would be like).

And that's where the misfit part comes in. I don't fit with what she wants, with what she understands, so she can't look at my decisions, at my way of life, as a positive thing.

My mom to me towards the end of the conversation when I told her we were very likely moving, "well, I'm sorry, I just have a lot of mixed feelings about this."

But progress for me...I don't. I'm not upset by her reaction, I'm not angry. It just is. I'm excited for us, I'm excited for a new adventure, and Tim and I know we are doing the right thing for us, whether she understands or approves or not.