phew, no more crabby patty

The past two days I have not been in a good mood. I'm frustrated about work, and feeling overwhelmed with the amount of work I have coming in. And it is not helping that we are in a down swing at work. Everyone is frustrated, everyone is unhappy, things are going wrong with a lot of projects, so it is natural that I would pick some of that up.

But things are looking better today. One of my new newsletters was pushed back a week to launch, which helps. And I'm continuing to work through my to do list, so that is at least a good feeling.

I think it helped a lot that Tim and I went out last night. I know Tim was starting to get stir crazy, he really hasn't been out of the house for a while, and I've been tired (I was sort of run down and sick after working on Saturday), so we haven't been doing anything fun when I get home. But last night we went to Guitar Center (fun for Boy, not for me really) and then went to the Cheesecake Factory (kahlua coffee cheesecake, mmmm!) It was fun to go on a date and to splurge (haven't been eating much sugar at all).

I feel more like me today, and more able to make progress on the stuff I have to do.

getting stronger!

I've been taking several classes per week at the gym, cardio conditioning (half hour african dance and then A LOT of strength training stuff) and a circuit training class (half hour cardio, half hour weights) plus running one or two days a week, and I am starting another combo class on Saturday (wellness in the woods, all women, you run on trails, then do lunges up hills and off logs and then half hour pilates...will write about how that first class goes).

But I can feel myself getting stronger. I can see the progress I'm making. The cardio conditioning class used to totally kick my butt and I couldn't do even close to all of the repetitions of the weight portion, and now I can do almost all of them. And I can get through most of the dancing without pausing, and it is full body, all your muscle dancing.

I'm thrilled that I can see the progress I'm making!

my horoscope today and my response to it

HOROSCOPE: What changes have there been in your life since this time last year? Take a good look at your life and think about the events that have taken place. What have you accomplished? What decisions have you made? And most importantly, how much you have grown as a person? Try to make changes by following your intuition. Even though it seems stressful and sometimes painful, change means growth!

This time last year, I had just started a new job as a marketing writer for a large hospital system, a job that seemed tailor made for me, was a HUGE step forward salary-wise and responsibility-wise. I got a job pretty easily at a place that a lot of people want to work at and have a hard time getting an interview at. I think the universe stepped in a big way, as I'll say later.

I was just coming off working from home, which I hated, and having to fly back east every other week for my job, which I also didn't like.

I was just coming off the third move in as many months. We had no savings, because so much of my money kept getting eaten up in plane tickets back east for work.

Since this time last year, I have grown a lot professionally. I am a lot more confident now, I speak up, I know how to manage vendors, I don't just sit back and be quiet. This has also applied to my personal life, I am no longer the shy little wallflower I've been for a long time.

We moved yet again (for the fourth time since may 2005), this time to an area we really like and are now considering buying a house in this part of town.

We are now in a much better financial situation. I finally finally made a budget and we learned how to stick to it. We have started saving a lot, towards a house, mostly. I am so proud of us, and watching our savings grow makes me feel really good. My parents have made a lot of bad financial decisions, and I feel like I have taught myself how to have good financial habits based on not doing what they did.

Since this time last year, I "broke up" with the girl who was supposed to be my best friend but who disappeared whenever I had something real going on in my life. I stood up for myself, and I told her how she was treating me wasn't acceptable. It was hard, but I know it was for the best for me.

I went through a period where it seemed like I couldn't keep friends, and I was feeling like Kellyfixit a lot of the time, that people only wanted to be my friend when I would fix their problems for them. I've since learned to put my energy into people who are not energy drainers, people who don't need or expect me to solve their problems, people who return the effort I put into a friendship. I feel lighter and healthier as a result.

We had a really bad stretch, where T's best friend's wife died, we had to buy an emergency plane ticket back east, we were moving again and I had to deal with a landlord who was at best bitchy, my wallet was stolen, I broke up with my best friend, T's other best friend got divorced, and I was coming home from work crying every day, because people were fighting all the time. But we got through it, by being there for each other, by taking it one day at a time, and by always believing things were going to get better, we just had to keep driving through the storm and working on making a better tomorrow for ourselves.

And now, the boy and I are making plans to start our own business-- focusing on healthcare and technology, something my boy and I know very well. We are excited for where we are going, and excited to try and shape our future more.

I look at this, and I see a year of growth. A year of taking more responsibility, of standing up for myself, feeling more confident in my job, feeling more confident in me. Learning to focus on what is really important and letting go of things that aren't healthy for me.

I am proud of how far I've come in a year, and I'm looking forward to seeing what the future hold.

weird freakin' dreams

I know I tend to have weird dreams, but last night, I think wins the award.

I dont' remember all of it, but I know I was in this house, and I saw all these teenage girls come out of a room. They were all skinny and wearing dresses, and they were all saying "I'm not pregnant, I'm not pregnant." Then they walked by me and I could see that they were in fact all very pregnant, and I could actually see the kid under one girl's dress. Then all of the girls lined up in front of a trash can and disappeared. I found out later that they all committed suicide.

Then some of the people in the house were given numbers, me included. We were all sitting on counter tops, and then this automated voice began calling numbers. When my number was called, it felt like the counter top was trying to eject me. I kept fighting it, and grabbing on to the counter, and after a few tries, it went on to someone else, and that person wasn't able to fight it and were killed.

how warped is that? yeesh.

it's been a year

since my dad called me to tell me mom was in the hospital, after having a seizure and fracturing her back. I wanted to fly back right away, but my dad said she was stable and I couldn't really do anything to help. That was one of the first times I really wondered if it was good that we were out here.

They never found out why she had the seizure, and they never found anything wrong from their tests (although I still wish they had gone to Boston for her care instead of Jordan Hospital on the South Shore). And she's been on anti-seizure medication since then, and her "levels" are mostly ok, I don't know levels of what, but her doctors seem ok with where they are.

She had to go six months without driving, asking my aunt or coworkers to take her to and from work, or to go out on errands. Having to ask for help like that all the time was really hard for her, because she went from being somewhat independent to relying on everyone else to help her until she was cleared to drive again.

I know she's concerned about how it seems like she isn't as clear as she used to be, that she can't remember words, says the wrong thing, or can't remember what she was doing. I try to tell her that it happens to everyone, including me, because I know it scares her, but I do see her not being able to remember the correct word, and repeating herself more. It concerns me. It also worries her because she works as a bank teller, and she's been not balancing more lately. I know she used to go almost a year hardly being off balance at all, and now it is happening more frequently, and she is worried about losing her job. I know their money situation is hard enough, that I have to really hope that doesn't happen.

She is supposed to meet with a new neurologist in a few weeks, and they are talking about switching her to a different seizure medication, which hopefully will help her feel more clear-headed.

It's so hard to watch her getting older and watch her struggle with her health.

where did the weekend go?

So, here it is, Sunday night, the weekend's gone and I can't quite see where all the time went. I didn't do a ton. Slept horribly Friday night, I had coffee late (bad I know) and Tim and I were up talking about our business plans. So when I tried to go to sleep, my head was racing and I couldn't shut my mind off. I finally fell asleep after 2 a.m., but of course Myra woke up 6, wanting breakfast and to go out.

Tim got up with her after that for a while, and I slept a bit. Then Tim went back to bed for three hours and I just read. Went grocery shopping, did my tape and Tim cleaned, and that's about it for Saturday.

Today, Tim got up with the mutt, and I slept till 10:30 (heavenly!). Read, napped, went to Nob Hill to try Saint Cupcake (had really good mini cupcakes, banana chocolate chip, pumkin spice and chocolate chip...mmm) and that's about it for today. Seems like the weekend went by even faster than normal!

crazy meeting filled days

The past two days, I have barely been at my desk, and have had even less time to do work, thanks to all the meetings I've been in. Today is the first day I have uninterupted work time, which I desperately need to tackle stuff I had before these meetings as well as tackling new action items from all the meetings. I think this further supports that I don't want to be management, because they are nothign but meetings all the time. I was so tired when I got home last night, just completely wiped out. Fortunately I slept well and woke up feeling more refreshed and alert than I have for a while. I would really love to call out sick today and just sleep and read, but I obviously have to go do all the work that is piling up. Oh well, no one ever said being a grown up is fun! :p lol

fun busy weekend

Friday Tim was starting to feel very house-claustrophobic, and I can't say I blame him. He works from home all day and we haven't been going out a lot lately, or at least not just the two of us. We've gone out with people, or I've gone out with people, but he's in the house more often than not. So we went on a date to Bridgeport, played around in the container store and came up with some good organization ideas for Tim's office and got some great closet and pantry ideas for our future house. I love planning for the house.

Saturday, I met my cousin Brian for coffee (in town for a wedding) and Tim went to a guitar store downtown for an hour. Neither of us are all that crazy about Brian, he tends to be pompous and egotistical, and Tim didn't want to deal with him. It actually wasn't bad, he seems less annoying than he does at family parties. After that, I walked down to the store where Tim was, then we headed down to Saturday Market. Tim has never been, even though we've been here over a year. He liked some of it, and it was a great day for it, sunny and not too hot. We came home, napped and grabbed some movies at Blockbuster.

Yesterday I went to this montly, local craft show called Crafty Wonderland with my friend Lisa. There were some really cool things there, and of course some of the usual dreck. I got the first part of your christmas present Mik! :p And now the house is clean and we have lots of good food for the week, so fun and productive. I just wish monday mornings didn't come so early, with Myra waking up at 6. :(

good weekend!

Saturday morning, I met my friend Ava for breakfast. We ended up going to a great little creperie on Hawthorne, the place I went to on my birthday. I was really good and didn't cheat, I had an egg, scallion, cheese thing on a buckwheat crepe. We sat out on the covered patio, it was great, lots of plants and a running fountain, it felt like eating in a covered garden.

Then we poked around stores for a bit and then Ava came back to the house for a bit. After she left, Tim and I went hiking in the Hoyt Arboretum, and hiked up to the Pittock Mansion, with great views of the city. It was probably a 3.5 mile hike.

We came home, napped with the puppy, and then went to my friend Lisa's barbeque. Some of her friends were not that interesting and just would not engage in conversation no matter how hard I tried, but I did meet a couple cool girls.

Today was lounge day. Read a lot, took a 2 hour family nap and went for a run. I feel good now.

cutting out the sneaky sugar is helping

I cut out coffee and started drinking green tea, I switched to unsweetened soy milk and I stopped eating Activia yoghurt, and I already feel and see the difference. I look less bloated and puffy, even Tim noticed it, and my energy is more stable now. I think I was sugar crashing a lot from things I thought were healthy and fine, but not really paying attention to the sugar content. I definitely feel a lot better.

easy way to cut out a lot of sugar

I've been feeling...squishier. not happy with how I look. I'm exercising but it didn't seem to be helping a lot.

I'm eating well... whole grains, high fiber, veggie protein. Not really cheating, or so I thought.

but I just went through just what I have in the morning, and I found easily 50g of sugar and extra calories that I can cut out without much hassle.

Coffee with flavored cream for example. I need a lot of the flavored cream to mask the taste of the coffee. Switch that to green tea, which I actually like and don't need to add anything to, and I've already cut probably 16g.

My activia yoghurt, which helps my stomach not be in pain, but I get the same results from taking acidophollis (sp?) on its own, virtually no sugar and no calories, compared to the 17g in activia.

My soy milk. If i switch to plain soy milk, instead of vanilla, i cut another 10g or so.

Now make my cereal a normal amount of cereal and not a huge portion, and not completely covered in berries, and i've already cut calories and sugar.

I think if I clean up my mornings, I will do a lot to help with the squishiness and sluggishness I usually feel during the morning.

that's a whole lot of sneaky sugar that I don't need to be eating. eek!