Back in the world

A lot has changed (again) since my last blog post. Now I can say with certainty that I am a North Carolina resident and a Duke employee. For a while, it wasn't looking like either would be definite.

We arrived in town after a long week in the car, driving from Portland to Durham. My skin had pretty much blown up -- whether from getting cross-contaminated with gluten from something (looking at you french fries) or sleeping on scratchy hotel sheets washed in industrial-strength detergent. Most likely a combination of both. Deciding to eat chicken ended up being the smartest (and really probably only) decision I could have made. I literally lived on salads with grilled chicken from McDonalds and Wendys -- often twice per day. This will likely be TMI, but it's my blog, so I'll say what I like. How the hell do people on the Atkin's diet go to the bathroom? I was eating virtually all protein, eggs, chicken, with some iceberg lettuce and random fruit mixed in when I could find it. Granted, my sensitive digestive track requires more care than most, but by the end, going to the bathroom or showering could reduce me to tears from pain. It's going to be a LONG time before I want to attempt any kind of long road trip again.

When we arrived in Durham, things rapidly headed downhill -- our house we were so excited about was not ready to move in, it was disgusting, with an overgrown lawn, and tons of trash the previous tenants had left. The landlord was less than responsive. We had to stay in more hotels, virtually homeless. Working-class homeless as I called it. We would stay as long as we could until check out, then live in our car for the day, trying to keep Myrapup out of the heat, trying to find a new place to live, trying to take care of paying for all the deposits for utilities, all while not really sure where everything was located. It was stressful for all of us.

When it looked like we would have to make a hard decision (go stay with my parents, have Tim drive up to Mass while Myra and I stayed in an extended stay place, etc), when we really needed to find a place to live where we could get in immediately, we found a new home. And the tide turned again. The house is perfect for all of us. Really quiet (for Tim). Huge yard for Myra. Clean and well-maintained (for me). We have great landlords. We were able to move into the house a day after looking at it. It's furnished, which helps, because it is a lot bigger than what we had before. The stuff we don't want/need, we are putting in a storage shed, but for the most part, it complements our stuff well.

I found out from Campbell that it is a no -- for now. They really like me and want to talk to me if another position opens up, they said it's just not the best fit for this particular consulting group, and honestly, I had got that feeling from the consultant who heads up that group. So I am a Duke girl now. I might keep job searching, who knows. But at least I have a job, and our life can settle and we can find a new normal now. Trust me, just sitting here, blogging, with my boy and my pup in the next room, knowing we don't have to be anywhere, is a most welcome slice of heaven right now.

The internal war

Today, after dropping Myra off at school, I wandered down to Petite Provence, home of some of the best baked goods this side of France. Since we are leaving next week, I wanted to get one for Tim -- it used to be a Friday ritual.

The line was slow, giving me plenty of time to ogle all the pastries and muffins and croissants. All things I can no longer have because of my gluten intolerance. I started hearing a little war waging inside me.

Maybe I'm really not as sensitive as I think. Maybe I really can eat wheat or gluten, maybe it was just because I was reintroducing it back into my diet after the elimination diet that I reacted so strongly to it. Maybe it's not that bad if I have something with wheat or gluten.

And then I remembered what happened when I ate one Red Vine before realizing it had wheat flour in it. Within three minutes, my stomach had bloated to about four times its normal size, I was in pain for hours, and then my skin broke out the following day. I remembered what happened when I ate a spelt cookie, and how sick I felt. I remembered how badly my skin broke out after eating spelt for a week.

And yes, it is that bad if I eat gluten. So I won the war, but sometimes I guess I have to remind myself why -- because even though I can't eat that stuff anymore, it doesn't stop me from wanting to eat it from time to time.

processed sugar, wheat = BAD

I think I have found my food culprits, and it looks like I am a celiac (gluten intolerant) who can't handle processed sugar.

I had falafel on a white roll yesterday to begin introducing wheat. While my stomach didn't bloat as quickly as it did after eating ice cream, it did eventually, and it lasted for hours. We had lunch at 2 at Genies, by 8 p.m. my stomach was still bloated.

It finally calmed down, and I decided not to continue my wheat test any further that day, I will try whole wheat stuff on Monday.

We went to New Seasons to get milk and such, and I decided to try another sugar test (previously, dairy was fine, but ice cream, very bad). I found a vegan, spelt chocolate chip cookie, and figured this would be a good test because it wouldn't have wheat or dairy in it, but it had processed sugar.

OMG. Within five minutes of having a couple bites of the cookie, my stomach bloated to a huge and painful point. It still hurts this morning.

It looks like I will no longer be having processed sugar and will be sticking to baked goods made with maple syrup or honey. Owie. We'll see what happens with the whole wheat test on monday, but if the white roll is any indication, wheat is out as well. At least there are tons of gluten free products now.

Happy Spring!

We have officially past the spring equinox and are now legally allowed to say it is spring, even though it has been spring here in Portland for well over a month.

Every time I walk Myra through the neighborhood, there are more flowers blooming, more cherry blossoms and magnolia trees. Daffodils, tulips, happy little purple flowers, trees with new leaves budding, and still more flowers. I make mental paintings every time I'm outside.

I love the energy of spring, I love watching everything come to life, feeling like I want to be outside as much as possible (of course the weather is being a tease, we got a couple of great, warm days, then it went back to being cool or rainy).

It's also the season of impossibly cute stuffed animals, I'm trying to resist the urge to buy lots of cute chicks and sheep. And of course, Peep Day (otherwise known as Easter) is coming up. I've never been much into halloween, I don't really like halloween candy all that much (other than candy corn), and it just seems like an excuse for adults to get drunk and act stupid in costumes.

Easter on the other hand. I love easter candy. Peeps, jelly beans, the cadbury eggs (although I can only eat those in very small doses). And of course, now that I'm adding food back in, I have made the decision that I really don't want to add much sugar back in, because I like not having a lot of sugar. We'll see how good my willpower is -- I just don't want to get re-addicted to sugar, so it's easier to not have any. Stupid good candy holiday :p

Dairy and tomatoes....

are in!!

I started adding food back on Saturday, adding dairy first. No problems with dairy at all. I even had a really little bit (less than 1/4 cup) of chocolate ice cream, and let me tell you, it tasted HEAVENLY. My stomach got a little bloaty, but that might have been from having sugar for the first in over a month. And even that didn't last long.

Yesterday, I had rice pasta with tomato sauce and parm cheese, and it was probably the best meal I've had in ages, just because it was so normal. Again, no problems from the tomatoes. Today I will have something with salsa for lunch, and then make tomato pesto for dinner (my signature dish, the best pasta sauce ever). I only had tomatoes once yesterday, so I need to have a little bit more to confirm I don't have problems with it.

But even just adding back in dairy and tomatoes makes a huge difference.

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to add caffeine back in, and I really don't want to add a lot of sugar back in, but at least some more food options have opened up. Yay!

hmph. Warning: some whining to follow

So, technically, the diet is going really well. I feel great, my skin is clearing up, my stomach hasn't hurt in over a week, and I don't have sugar/wheat/caffeine cravings anymore. I don't see something and actively have to make myself not eat it. I don't feel like I NEED to have sugar.

But man. I am rather bored with the diet. I feel like I'm eating different versions of the same sort of meal over and over. I don't want stir fry again dammit. I want mac and cheese. Or pasta.

I'm trying really hard to focus on the positive and how I feel. But today...I want to whine.

learning, healing and update

Today is day four of the diet, and overall doing better. I only had sugar cravings on Sunday. I had a caffeine headache for two days, but today I was ok.

A sort of side result of this diet (which is partly to help my skin heal) is that my skin is all broken out. My eyes got puffy, my lips are red almost up to my nose, my back is more irritation than regular skin. I checked with my doctor about this, and part of it is my body pushing out toxins and bad-for-me stuff. She had said the body actually uses the skin to get rid of bad stuff (better out than in I guess). But I am also reacting to not taking my skin medicine -- so a double whammy if you will. She said to give the diet a week and I should start feeling better and my skin should start clearing up.

I've just been taking things really easy. Eating when I'm hungry. Sleeping when I'm tired during the afternoon, although today I was proud I managed to fight off a nap by going for a walk and doing Total Gym exercises.

Up till today, one of my biggest challenges has been that I was starting to feel bored with the food I could eat. (Just for fun, next time you are in the grocery store, see how many things have wheat, dairy, sugar, corn or such as ingredients -- I was amazed at where I was finding that stuff). But I found some yeast-free, wheat-free, vegan bread that is sweetened with rice syrup. Granted, the stuff feels like you could throw it at someone and it would be a good weapon, but it actually tastes ok. I also found brown rice cakes that are a good snack and naturally sweetened soy yogurt (didn't like that).

Without all the sugar and processing you really taste the food. You taste the ingredients. Things taste...simpler. It's nice to taste real food and not food filled with chemicals or sugar. I'm finding I like it, and finding that fruit is a good sweetener. And I like how I feel full after eating, but not heavy. And bonus....my stomach hasn't hurt or been bloated since I started this, and that is progress.

Last meal and fresh start

Last night, I had a little bit of everything I won't be able to have for the next six weeks....basically all junk food. Had a veggie burger and fries, shake and then had a donut from Krispy Kreme. I did this partly because I knew I would feel gross afterwards, and would not want to eat sugar or crap today. It worked, almost too well, because my stomach hurt...but it also made me even more excited for this diet.

I picked up a bunch of fresh produce at the farmer's market, did my online grocery shopping last night, and now everything in the house is healthy. I know one thing, at least right now, it is time consuming figuring stuff out, because I have to read the labels of everything. Herbal tea, dressings, etc. I would find dressings that sounded good but had wheat or sugar in them, some hot cereals that I thought would be ok had wheat in them. But with the wonders of online grocery shopping, all the stuff I picked out last night (fortunately New Seasons allows you to see ingredients of most of the things you order online) will be in my order for next week. I also bought an anti-inflammation diet cookbook, because I am going to need some ideas so I don't get bored.

Bring on the healthy!

Time to heal

I went to see a naturopath physician today, because I'm tired of having skin and digestive problems. She was great, spent over an hour with her, talking about diet, symptoms, what I've tried. She said that in most of the cases of people who are having skin problems, it is a sign of something in their body not working properly. This is what I've believed all along....my skin isn't necessarily the problem, my skin is a symptom of what is going on -- most likely digestive. She also said that being on the skin medicine I'm on suppresses the skin irritation, but doesn't cure it -- it just makes the irritation go back inside, and that I become dependent on the skin medication, and as soon as I stop using it, my skin problems flare back up (yup! ding ding ding!)

She believes my digestive tract is irritated and inflamed and I'm not digesting properly. She has me taking high doses of acidophillus (I had started taking it and noticed my symptoms were a lot better with it), fish oil twice a day, and a herbal supplement three times per day that helps with inflammation and digestion, and helps to rebuild the lining in my digestive tract.

And then there's the diet.

For the next six weeks, starting Saturday, I will be on the anti-inflammatory diet to give my body a chance to reset. I am not allowed ANY: tomatoes, potatoes, any wheat products, tofu (I can have some in limited amounts), citrus fruit, NO sugar, nutra-sweet or artificial sweeteners of any kind, NO dairy, NO caffeine at all, no corn products, no hydrogenated oils, no processed foods, no fried foods, no peanuts or peanut butters.

Basically, lots of fruit and veggies. Beans. Rice. Nuts other than peanuts. After doing this diet for six weeks, I will begin to reintroduce food back into my diet -- one food at a time, no more than one food at a time for three days.

The physician I saw also wants me to get tested for celiac disease, but she said that can wait until after the six weeks, because I will be limiting gluten a lot anyway by not eating wheat.

It is fairly restrictive but I am really looking forward to this. First, it is incredibly healthy. It reminds me of Phase One of South Beach, and I felt great on that. And second, I would rather take six weeks and get my body back to healthy then spend more time with itchy, irritated skin and having all kinds of digestive problems. Both my skin and my digestive problems have been happening more frequently, and I'm sick of it.

I'll update my blog regularly with how I'm doing on this. Any support you can give me, especially during the first week when I will likely have some caffeine and sugar withdrawal, I'd appreciate!

Learning what my body doesn't like

I spent a good part of the weekend with various digestive complaints, including the really fun deep back pain I get sometimes that is not muscle or bone related and is so uncomfortable I just fold myself over hoping it will go away.

I think I am allergic to dairy, or at least higher-fat dairy. I had a couple sips of a latte with 2% milk and my stomach started feeling off right away. I had a matcha tea latte made with water, not milk, and I immediately couldn't breathe because I was in so much pain (I wonder if it is the whey protein, but I have whey protein in my shakes and I'm fine, so that's puzzling).

I'm going to cut out all dairy for a while and see how that helps.

The vegetarian and the carnivore

We decided to go to the cheesecake factory last night for dinner, since I haven't gone grocery shopping yet (and sorry Mik, but we aren't likely to go back any time soon. For whatever reason, we either have REALLY bad service or REALLY slow service everytime we go).

I got a portabella burger.

Tim got the Ton o' Fun burger. Two meat patties. Cheese. Three buns.

It was rather horrifying lol.

Ah, when opposites attract :)

mmmmm greyblue oatmeal

I am the queen of adding extra fiber to things. In fact, it is usually a goal...how much can I increase the fiber by?

I heated up a packet of instant blueberry oatmeal and then added blueberries, and flax seed with blueberries, and soy milk. It came out GREY. Gruel grey. The color of food you imagine Oliver Twist eating.

But it still tasted good!

GM (genetically modified) food strikes again

"Looks like an Apple. Tastes like a Grape."

I saw this in the grocery store tonight. Dear lord, why??

I like grapes. I like apples. I've never been eating a grape, thinking "if only this were bigger, like an apple." I've never eaten an apple and thought, 'mmm, needs more grape."

Genetically modified food really freaks me out. Like the tomatoes that proudly proclaim "tastes like a real tomato!!" Why don't I just eat a REAL tomato.

But seriously. Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you should.

Graple pie anyone? Gaaaa.

Wheee! mini shopping spree and a fun day

So, I've been wanting to spend some money, partly because I really haven't bought anything in a long time, and partly because I knew our money situation was good. Tonight, we went to the mall and I got some new pj's from Vic Secret (my pajama situation was rather sad) and then we went to Aveda. I was originally going to get body moisturizer, but we ended up buying a line of facial care products -- cleanser, toner and moisturizer. I think we will really like them. I didn't spend a ton of money, and I didn't mess up the budget, but it was fun and it cured me of my need to spend money for a while.

Overall, today was a really good day. I didn't really work today, I worked two hours and was already at 35 hours for the week, so Tim and I just took the day off. The cool thing about being a freelancer is that I can do work on Sunday and get my 40 hours for the week.

We went to Petite Provence for lunch, and managed to squeak in at the end of the time they were serving breakfast. Let me tell you, this place is hands down the best breakfast in Portland. That is not an exaggeration. Tim got french toast with mixed berries, and I got eggs with pesto, tomato and mozzarella. OHMYGOD. Normally I'm not someone who raves about eggs, but these were phenomenal. Picked up the mutt from school, came home and napped for a while, then we headed off to the mall.

my food yesterday

Protein shake. 3 donuts (from this place in NE that makes the best donuts in the entire world, fresh, light, not greasy, not heavy-- but still, three??). Salad of mostly lettuce. Several cut pieces of pita and hummus.

NOT a good way to feed my body, especially since I went for a trail run yesterday morning. I don't know why I never seem to eat on weekends. Well, the fact that I never went grocery shopping last weekend and when I went during the week, I only bought enough food for a few days might have something to do with yesterday.

Oh well. Getting back on track today!