Picture pages, picture pages

Some photos from the birthday cookout/gathering/party








Me and Mikki












Mikki and T











RM, me and Mik










RM, me, Tracy, Mik






















Me, as a silly dancing queen











The homeboys

With light

Comes shadows. One of my favorite light and shadow shots by Tim

Inspired by InspireMeThursday.com -- the topic was light. (Site found via Omgirly)

Family reunions

A question on journalprompts.com asked what you most dread about family reunions, and since my bday cookout will essentially be a family reunion with some friends there (fortunately!), it got me thinking.

One thing I really hate is everyone asking when Tim and I are going to get married, or even worse, asking when we are going to have kids.

First off, I don't really think it is any of their business, and when we know when we are going to get married, they will most likely know. I hate how people feel like it's ok to ask these questions, and don't seem to think it is rude.

Now, here's the thing. Tim and I have always known we planned on being together for the long haul. When we were still very new in our relationship (VERY new), Tim said that he wouldn't be surprised if he ended up marrying me. So it's not like the question is putting weird pressure on us.

But one of the main reasons we don't have any plans to get married anytime soon isn't a reason I want to discuss with family members. We know we will have to pay for the wedding ourselves. My parents financial situation isn't great. This isn't something I want to rub in my mom's face, nor is it something I want to tell other family members. I'm the only child, and the daughter to boot. I'm sure my parents had always thought they would pay for a wedding for me. I know my mom has probably had fantasies of planning my wedding for most of my life. (The fact that what I want for a wedding is VERY different from what my mom would want is another story). But since we will be the ones paying for it, we have to save up for it. And for a while, we were saving up money to buy a house, because we figured it would be better to buy a house before interest rates started going up really high again.

And now, we've just moved, and have pretty much wiped out the good sized savings we had. So we have to start growing our savings again. I just don't feel like getting into this with family members who seem to think we should be on a set schedule, but I don't have a really good answer, other than we're planning on it someday.

Then there is the kid question. We are not planning on having kids. Neither of us wants them. We are very happy having Myra and our eventual kitty. But again, I don't really want to get into it with people who just think that having kids is what you do, it's what is expected. Because any reason we give is met with disbelief and trying to convince us otherwise. Thanks, but since we would be the ones raising the kids, we will make that decision for ourselves. I really hate the kid question, because I can't even just give a simple, "we're not planning on kids" answer, because then you get the why and whole conversation goes downhill from there.

Tim of course doesn't hesitate to be blunt or to tell people it is none of their business. Me, I try to be more diplomatic but that seems to make me feel more uncomfortable.

I'll have to try think of some good duck n'dodge tactics...

one week till...

I'm employed again.

I've been freelancing since November. I haven't had any work at all since April, and that was only six hours for the month. I haven't had to get up or be on a schedule for months and months.

And you know what? I am so ready to not be on vacation mode anymore, ready to actually get up every morning and go to work. I've been really, really bored. And now I know exactly how little you can do, and I'm ready for a change. And it will be really, really fantastic to have money return to normal and actually start building our savings again.

Plus, as much as I've loved being home with the boy and Myrawonderpup, I think it will be really good for me and Tim to not be together literally 24/7. I will really miss having the pup with me all day though.

On to new adventures!

and they're off and running....

We are treadmill owners! Our lovely new treadmill just arrived, and is set up on our sun porch exercise room. Out there we have the treadmill, the total gym, free weights, yoga matt and ping pong table. And it has a separate AC unit, which is vital considering how warm that room gets.

We are both really excited. Me, so that I don't always have to run early in the morning or late at night to avoid running in the heat/humidity, and so it is easy to do speed workouts. Tim so that he can do cardio, and so he can actually run, because street running just does not work for him.

Myra isn't sure if she's excited, she kept wanting to sniff the new thing in her area. :)

And we discovered that oddly I make more noise running than Tim does. I think it is because he doesn't pick up his feet a lot when he runs, and he tends to walk really lightly and quietly. But the sunporch is insulated enough, with a really good door, that as soon as you close the door are in the actual house, you can't hear it. Which is of course of vital importance during football season... lol

Normal people are sheep-le

Words of wisdom from tim.

We were talking about the devious uses of hand sanitizer (no, not that, get your mind out of the gutter, stuff like fire starting material).

I said normal people don't think like that!

"Normal people are sheeple."

Well, yeah, I suppose you are right.

'Nuff said.

what a difference four years makes...

I barely remember who I was four years ago.

Today is T's birthday. Four years ago, we had been talking and flirting almost every day at work but weren't officially together yet.

Four years ago, I was still with Mark.

I was a prisoner in that relationship. His car wasn't in running condition and he "didn't have the money to fix it" so he took my car. He would drive me to work every day (at least a half hour drive, more like 45 minutes), then take my car for the day. He would pick me up at night. And if he had to work late at the newspaper, he wouldn't let me get a ride home from someone else, he would get angry and make me feel small and I would pacify him by saying I would just wait for him.

I was always accused of cheating on him or being interested in someone else. If I spent too long talking to male co-workers or talking to male sources for news stories. If I wore perfume. If I wore lipstick. If I was gone from the house on errands longer than he thought was required -- meaning if it took me more than an hour to go grocery shopping, he would start calling to check on me. I used to love to go out and do laundry because it was the only time I was allowed to be by myself for a few hours.

I wasn't allowed to have friends. We were together more than three years, and in that time, I think I can count on one hand the times I went out with someone else. He used to say that I shouldn't need anyone but him. That if I really loved him, I wouldn't need or want to spend time with other people. I knew things were really messed up and crazy, but I had no support network. And it wasn't like I could talk to anyone on the phone, because he listened to my conversations.

I was a prisoner of his anger. He would fly into road rage at the drop of a hat. Once, we were on the highway and some kids started tailgating him in the high speed lane. He pulled over to the next lane, let them go by,then sped up, got right on their ass and started highbeaming them. They switched lanes, he did too. They made for an exit ramp, he did too. And these kids flew down the exit ramp. He crossed a lane of traffic and flew down the exit ramp as well. He could see where they were on the road and was going to go after them, but my crying finally seemed to get through to him. Another time, some guy cut him off on 114 (main road with lights and businesses), and he sped up, caught up to the guy, cut him off and practically forced him to pull off into a parking lot. The guy was furious and Mark was planning to fight him. I was screaming in the car, and the other guy saw me and backed down and pretty much told Mark he clearly doesn't have much regard for his girlfriend if he was acting like that. Then when I told Mark how much it scared me, he got mad at me because I shouldn't question him and should just take his side.

He used to read KKK sites. He used to go around saying things like he wanted to blow up all of Lawrence and "get rid of all the fucking Spics." He wanted to get a gun license.

I wasn't allowed to journal, because he would always ask me what I was writing about, if I was writing about him.

He was an ex coke addict, and he made me give him percocets that I got one time for migraines (I hated them and didn't want them). He would take some before visiting my parents saying it helped him be more social and talkative.

I had to ask permission to do everything. I had to make sure he was ok with something, if he wasn't, if he got mad, I said it's ok, I didn't really want to do it, I won't do it, it's fine.

I dreaded using my debit card to pay for things, because our bank account was so often negative or we were waiting for a deposit to clear, that if I bought something for $2, I would mentally cross my fingers and hope that the card would go through.

I walked on eggshells all the time. I had migraines. I had random dizziness. I had stomach pains all the time.

And then I got a new job (the one he had to drive me to) and met Tim. We started talking over e-mail at work. Once when I was really upset (the day he forced the guy to pull off into the parking lot), I started to tell him what was really going on. Tim became my first friend in years. The more time I spent talking to him, the more I couldn't wait to come to work and talk to him more.

He gave me the courage I needed to finally leave Mark.

He has shown me what a healthy, loving relationship should feel like.

Since we have been together, I have rediscovered who I used to be before Mark. Playful. Upbeat. Dancing in coffee shops. Journaling. I have friends again. When I was still learning to uncondition the behaviours I learned with Mark, Tim was actively encouraging me to make friends, go out with friends.

I laugh all the time now. I have someone I know will be there for me no matter what. I have someone who makes me feel better when I cry, someone I can't wait to tell things to.

What a difference four years makes...

happiness, audio style

Tim: Did I hear the sound of happiness calling?

Me: I don't know, what does happiness sound like?

Tim: It goes drip drip drip, then crescendos into a gurgle then goes beep beep beep.

Yes, my boy is quite possibly the biggest coffee head ever.

Happy Valentine's Day, Douchebag

So says Tim to me this morning when I woke up. Hee. Now, before you go thinking he's an ass, we just call each other names all the time, so this made me grin. I later wrote him an e-mail titled Happy freakin Valentine's Day (then got all mushy inside).

I love...

• how silly Tim can be
  
• how protective he is of me, his friends and loved ones
• how much he adores Myrawonderpup
• how much I laugh with him
  
• how much he supports and encourages me
  
• how safe I feel around him
  
• how perfectly we fit, whether we are hugging, curled up on the couch, whatever
  
• how we can (and do) talk about everything. I believe open, honest communication is a big part of our strength together.
  
• how smart he is. He is really one of the smartest people I know.
  
• where our life is going. We've been together almost four years and while we've had problems and challenges in our life, we've always been strong and solid together, and I'm just so excited to see what the future has in store for us

Hope you all have things to celebrate and love.

It's true...you really can buy anything

Apparently, you can buy decommissioned missile silos. Because who doesn't want one of those? There's a bargain one for $67,000 in Missouri, and then a luxury model in Maine for $300,000. And the ultimate gift to get the billionaire who has everything: A missile silo for $1.8 million in Denver.

Tim: "We don't need to buy a house, we need to buy a missile silo!"

Clearly.

The vegetarian and the carnivore

We decided to go to the cheesecake factory last night for dinner, since I haven't gone grocery shopping yet (and sorry Mik, but we aren't likely to go back any time soon. For whatever reason, we either have REALLY bad service or REALLY slow service everytime we go).

I got a portabella burger.

Tim got the Ton o' Fun burger. Two meat patties. Cheese. Three buns.

It was rather horrifying lol.

Ah, when opposites attract :)

and a very merry christmas!

We did it! We waited until Christmas morning to open most of our (wrapped!) gifts. Definitely a first for us.

We were both really happy with everything. T got me a new knife set with really nice knives (they make such a huge difference, it's a lot easier and more comfortable to cut things now), nice baking sheets (it was a very cooking-focused christmas, and I love it), a down lap duvet from Restoration Hardware, new comfywarm slippers, not to mention my pizza stone and nice martini glasses.

He loved his down vest, smartwool shirt and socks, books, new tool cd, popcorn bowl and other stuff.

We bought Myra a stocking full of toys from Petsmart, and put them in her stocking, with one sticking out the top. She was so excited, she had never had so many new toys all at once, she didn't know what to play with first. At one point, she managed to lay on top of most of her hoard. She promptly destroyed the two tennis balls and then defluffed a stuffed reindeer, but she looked very happy while she was doing it. She still has a few new toys left, and she is getting three new tuffy toys from my parents that she can tug on and chew on and not destroy.

I made blueberry oat muffins that were incredibly good, and we watched some of the extras on the Firefly discs. The extras were cool and funny and sad all at the same time, because they had this great show that didn't even get to live for a full season. And now we are getting ready for our holiday casserole (cauliflower, tomato, potato casserole with leek/cheese sauce) and will probably watch a movie.

No stress, no drama, just a nice day for the three of us.

Merry Christmas!

christmas eve will find me...

where I long to be.

What a perfect, very Tim and Kelly christmas eve.

Tim watched football during the afternoon, I did some knitting, then went to Tryon Creek for a long run through the mist and fog and mud, having fun being a little wild mudbeast. Tim wrapped presents while I was gone, we planned what we wanted for Christmas morning (I'm going to make blueberry oat muffins) and christmas dinner, and then opened one present (initially, but T had me open two) each. (We gave Myra one of her presents, a stuffed animal stocking face thing, that she immediately ran off with to kiss and hug).

I had said I wanted to pick up some wine or drinks and get a little buzzed and watch a movie, so Tim had me open one of my presents that related. He got me really cool martini glasses, apple martini mix and apple sugar rim. Mmm! And these are my first alcohol glasses, I feel so grown up lol.

We decided to do pizza and munchies for dinner tonight, prompting Tim to give me another present, even though I kept saying I didn't want to open any more presents. I got a pizza stone! A really nice pizza stone, I love it. I can't wait to use it with homemade dough or Trader Joe's whole wheat pizza dough.

We watched Zathura, which is a really cute, funny movie, and oddly feels like a christmas/holiday movie even though it had nothing to do with christmas.

"What do they eat?"
"Meat."
"Oh, that's good."
"Dude, your meat." :)

Then we decided we had to open stockings as well, and we both loved our stockings. I got Tim a book on how to be a villain, he loved it :) I got a wind-proof umbrelly that has a light on it, so I can actually see where I am walking at night with the mutt.

We had lots of fun, and I can't wait for tomorrow morning for Tim to open his stuff, I had so much fun buying things for him. And of course, I want to see my loot as well.

it's beginning to look like christmas...

Wheeeee! T and I just bought our first christmas decorations! We bought some ornaments, and stockings for us and Myrapup.

This is the first time we are actually doing christmas, and I am so excited. Last year, we didn't make it out of the mall before we gave each other stuff. While that was really fun, there was no buildup, and nothing special on Christmas day, at least nothing special that was just for us, we always had my parents on Christmas day. I'm realizing how much I like the buildup, decorating, making our own traditions, buying presents, wrapping them and then opening them Christmas morning.

I am feeling very christmassy now, and I wasn't for a while, and I'm glad it's back.

Tra la la la.

"we are not in a money freefall"

So says Tim after reading my blog, pointing out that while we have eaten out a little bit more, we only missed one regular grocery shopping and have not been that off track budget-wise. And also, we specifically planned to not save and have extra money on hand for exactly this purpose. And we still have plenty of money to finish up the shopping we need to do for early christmas, and have money for back east and blah blah blah. Ok, maybe I was being a tad silly. I'm still in a weird alternating money perspective. I know our money situation is good, so I want to spend some money, but then I freak about spending money. Eye roll at myself.

"I hope you blog about me scolding you for what you blogged about."

And so I did.

Warning, freaks ahead

Playing around with Photo Booth on the laptop

Nice Tim and Kelly







Two Kellys, Evil Tim









Tim breaking my brain









Sponge Tim Square Kelly









HELP!! A monster is after me!

A first for Tim here I believe

I was supposed to be hosting stitch n bitch tonight, but everyone ended up being busy/tired. It worked out perfectly though, my back was bothering me a bit, and I didn't mind having a quiet evening. Tim had planned to call Celena to see if she wanted to go out tonight (Celena is Toni's friend, and as much as I tried to be friends with her, we never clicked all that well, but she gets along really well with Tim). He had thought about cancelling when Stitch n bitch was no longer happening, but I told him I really wanted him to go.

Working from home, he hasn't met a lot of people. The people he knows, he knows through me and they are usually my friends. So when I said I really wanted him to go, I meant I really thought he needed to go. Celena likes to go out to bars and drink, something Tim really doesn't get to do with me because I have no interest in that scene. But that was something he used to do regularly in Salem, meet up with Mel or Pete or John or whoever for a beer, to talk, to chill.

Making friends here is really hard, and I'm glad I've finally made some good ones. But I know how social Tim is, and as interesting as I am, I shouldn't be the main source of conversation that he has. And now that we both work from home, I think it is even more important. I go out with my friends pretty regularly, and he'll stay and play guitar or whatever. But I'm hoping he'll start hanging with Celena on a regular basis, because I think it will be really good for him. That is still the only thing I would change about our life here, that he could have some of his own friends, so he can get out of the house without me and just be Tim.

The joy of playing hooky

Tim convinced me to play hooky on Friday, saying I was going to lose my sick time anyway when I left (2 weeks whoohooo!!). I lounged around all morning reading, we went to one of our favorite places for breakfast (Genie's, right around the corner)-- I had a wonderful vegetarian eggs benedict, tim had cinnamon honey french toast that was divine. We had planned to go down to the outlets and go shopping, but by the time we picked up Myra from school, we only would have had a little under 2 hours there before we had to head home.

We went to the Lloyd mall instead (I never feel as white I do when I'm at this mall) and I bought some new sweaters. I bought them from this Mom store, and in fact there were a lot of older women shopping in there. Despite that, they had some decent prices on basic things and the sweaters I got were cute. How sad is that that I did better in the mom clothing store than in Forever 21, where there wasn't anything I would ever wear? Oh well.

I still need to go shopping for more fall and winter clothes, but I'm waiting to hear about the Umpqua bank job first, because if I'm just going to be freelancing, I need more play clothes, but If I get a job there, I need more dress clothes.

Friday night, Annette came over for dinnner. She was the temp who took over for Danielle while Danielle was in Scotland for two weeks. Annette is a cool older lady (she's my mom's age). She lived in Paris for 12 years, she's a professional jazz singer and has worked with a lot of big name jazz people. She's very outspoken. We had a nice dinner, although she is incredibly chatty. But still, it was a nice evening. It felt great having a hooky day with Tim, since he watches football all day on Sundays now, I miss these kind of days with him.