hmph. Warning: some whining to follow

So, technically, the diet is going really well. I feel great, my skin is clearing up, my stomach hasn't hurt in over a week, and I don't have sugar/wheat/caffeine cravings anymore. I don't see something and actively have to make myself not eat it. I don't feel like I NEED to have sugar.

But man. I am rather bored with the diet. I feel like I'm eating different versions of the same sort of meal over and over. I don't want stir fry again dammit. I want mac and cheese. Or pasta.

I'm trying really hard to focus on the positive and how I feel. But today...I want to whine.

when things aren't as bad as we make them out to be

Tim had one small credit card that had to be paid off, and they offered us a settlement for about half. We originally set it up with the company to do two payments over the phone by check.

It had been more than a week and the first payment hadn't posted, so we called the company, and found out that they missed a number in our checking account, which is probably why it hadn't posted.

At this point, we had enough to pay the thing outright, so they said they would just do a new check for the full amount, since the first one had a number missing.

But then later that same day, the first check cleared. We immediately called back to see if they could stop the second check on their end, since that would mean we would have paid half as much as needed to. The company either was unable to stop the second check, or unwilling to. And since we didn't trust them to give us back our overpayment in a timely fashion, that left putting a stop payment on the check on our end.

We truck down to the bank, and the woman found out that because it was missing a number, it went through a manual review. But then she said they could essentially return the first payment to the company, and then we wouldn't have to pay for stop payment, and the second check could just go through normally.

We were both frustrated and thinking it was going to be a pain in the ass to get the problem straightened out, but it was really pretty simple.

Isn't that the way a lot of things work? We get upset about them, make them bigger deals in our head, but then when we actually sit down to deal with it, it's not that bad.

Reminds me I shouldn't worry and stress so much.

Return of the wild mudbaby!

So last week was mostly a fog. With the withdrawals came complete and utter exhaustion (which I discovered yesterday was actually me being sick, because Tim had the same thing). I didn't exercise much and slept a lot.

Well, the fog finally lifted and I feel great! I went for a long run in Tryon Creek yesterday, and was a very happy mudbaby. I realize that as much as I love running, I really love trail running. I love seeing the forest, hearing the smells, seeing the rushing water -- and I really love running in the mud for some reason. You feel like a kid, and you feel wild and connected with the earth in a way you don't feel as much when you run on concrete on busy streets and through neighborhoods. Love it.

*Grin* I'm back!

learning, healing and update

Today is day four of the diet, and overall doing better. I only had sugar cravings on Sunday. I had a caffeine headache for two days, but today I was ok.

A sort of side result of this diet (which is partly to help my skin heal) is that my skin is all broken out. My eyes got puffy, my lips are red almost up to my nose, my back is more irritation than regular skin. I checked with my doctor about this, and part of it is my body pushing out toxins and bad-for-me stuff. She had said the body actually uses the skin to get rid of bad stuff (better out than in I guess). But I am also reacting to not taking my skin medicine -- so a double whammy if you will. She said to give the diet a week and I should start feeling better and my skin should start clearing up.

I've just been taking things really easy. Eating when I'm hungry. Sleeping when I'm tired during the afternoon, although today I was proud I managed to fight off a nap by going for a walk and doing Total Gym exercises.

Up till today, one of my biggest challenges has been that I was starting to feel bored with the food I could eat. (Just for fun, next time you are in the grocery store, see how many things have wheat, dairy, sugar, corn or such as ingredients -- I was amazed at where I was finding that stuff). But I found some yeast-free, wheat-free, vegan bread that is sweetened with rice syrup. Granted, the stuff feels like you could throw it at someone and it would be a good weapon, but it actually tastes ok. I also found brown rice cakes that are a good snack and naturally sweetened soy yogurt (didn't like that).

Without all the sugar and processing you really taste the food. You taste the ingredients. Things taste...simpler. It's nice to taste real food and not food filled with chemicals or sugar. I'm finding I like it, and finding that fruit is a good sweetener. And I like how I feel full after eating, but not heavy. And bonus....my stomach hasn't hurt or been bloated since I started this, and that is progress.

Last meal and fresh start

Last night, I had a little bit of everything I won't be able to have for the next six weeks....basically all junk food. Had a veggie burger and fries, shake and then had a donut from Krispy Kreme. I did this partly because I knew I would feel gross afterwards, and would not want to eat sugar or crap today. It worked, almost too well, because my stomach hurt...but it also made me even more excited for this diet.

I picked up a bunch of fresh produce at the farmer's market, did my online grocery shopping last night, and now everything in the house is healthy. I know one thing, at least right now, it is time consuming figuring stuff out, because I have to read the labels of everything. Herbal tea, dressings, etc. I would find dressings that sounded good but had wheat or sugar in them, some hot cereals that I thought would be ok had wheat in them. But with the wonders of online grocery shopping, all the stuff I picked out last night (fortunately New Seasons allows you to see ingredients of most of the things you order online) will be in my order for next week. I also bought an anti-inflammation diet cookbook, because I am going to need some ideas so I don't get bored.

Bring on the healthy!

Time to heal

I went to see a naturopath physician today, because I'm tired of having skin and digestive problems. She was great, spent over an hour with her, talking about diet, symptoms, what I've tried. She said that in most of the cases of people who are having skin problems, it is a sign of something in their body not working properly. This is what I've believed all along....my skin isn't necessarily the problem, my skin is a symptom of what is going on -- most likely digestive. She also said that being on the skin medicine I'm on suppresses the skin irritation, but doesn't cure it -- it just makes the irritation go back inside, and that I become dependent on the skin medication, and as soon as I stop using it, my skin problems flare back up (yup! ding ding ding!)

She believes my digestive tract is irritated and inflamed and I'm not digesting properly. She has me taking high doses of acidophillus (I had started taking it and noticed my symptoms were a lot better with it), fish oil twice a day, and a herbal supplement three times per day that helps with inflammation and digestion, and helps to rebuild the lining in my digestive tract.

And then there's the diet.

For the next six weeks, starting Saturday, I will be on the anti-inflammatory diet to give my body a chance to reset. I am not allowed ANY: tomatoes, potatoes, any wheat products, tofu (I can have some in limited amounts), citrus fruit, NO sugar, nutra-sweet or artificial sweeteners of any kind, NO dairy, NO caffeine at all, no corn products, no hydrogenated oils, no processed foods, no fried foods, no peanuts or peanut butters.

Basically, lots of fruit and veggies. Beans. Rice. Nuts other than peanuts. After doing this diet for six weeks, I will begin to reintroduce food back into my diet -- one food at a time, no more than one food at a time for three days.

The physician I saw also wants me to get tested for celiac disease, but she said that can wait until after the six weeks, because I will be limiting gluten a lot anyway by not eating wheat.

It is fairly restrictive but I am really looking forward to this. First, it is incredibly healthy. It reminds me of Phase One of South Beach, and I felt great on that. And second, I would rather take six weeks and get my body back to healthy then spend more time with itchy, irritated skin and having all kinds of digestive problems. Both my skin and my digestive problems have been happening more frequently, and I'm sick of it.

I'll update my blog regularly with how I'm doing on this. Any support you can give me, especially during the first week when I will likely have some caffeine and sugar withdrawal, I'd appreciate!

habits and fears become us

I've noticed that our fears tend to get more pronounced as we get older. Take my mother for example. She's always been claustrophobic, but now it is to the point that she freaks out, her starts racing and she can't breathe as soon as she feels even a little confined. She can't even have anything close to a neck (she can't wear chokers and has to have v-neck or open neck shirts). Same with driving. She is ok driving in a very small area, but hates highway driving, and again, it is to the point that if she has to drive further than she normally does, her blood pressure goes up, she gets horribly stressed.

For a while, I just sort of assumed that these things just get worse as you get older. But how much of that is due to decades of repeating things like, "I'm claustrophobic," or "I can't go in there," or "I can't drive that far," etc.

Words have a lot of power, I know that much. What would happen if every time your instinct was to say I can't do this, I'm afraid, I'm afraid of heights, I'm claustrophobic, I hate being in crowds, instead you said something positive. I like heights. I love crowds. I will be fine in small spaces? If it became a habit to say something positive whenever you were going to not do something because of fear, would the fear lose some or much of its power eventually?

Same with habits. We are creatures of habit. We like routine. We like things we know. So that means you have the power to always choose good habits. And the more often you choose it, the more ingrained it will become, to the point where doing the good thing is the normal response, not the one you have to talk yourself into, or you try to find a way out of. It just becomes you.

Happy Valentine's Day, Douchebag

So says Tim to me this morning when I woke up. Hee. Now, before you go thinking he's an ass, we just call each other names all the time, so this made me grin. I later wrote him an e-mail titled Happy freakin Valentine's Day (then got all mushy inside).

I love...

• how silly Tim can be
  
• how protective he is of me, his friends and loved ones
• how much he adores Myrawonderpup
• how much I laugh with him
  
• how much he supports and encourages me
  
• how safe I feel around him
  
• how perfectly we fit, whether we are hugging, curled up on the couch, whatever
  
• how we can (and do) talk about everything. I believe open, honest communication is a big part of our strength together.
  
• how smart he is. He is really one of the smartest people I know.
  
• where our life is going. We've been together almost four years and while we've had problems and challenges in our life, we've always been strong and solid together, and I'm just so excited to see what the future has in store for us

Hope you all have things to celebrate and love.

on the one hand...

I'm a perfectly ordinary human being.

On the other,

I'm a kilt-wearing karaoke king with a passion for kiwis.

Huh. I had no idea. But that's what the envelope says from a credit card company, so it must be true. Right?

so easy, so brilliantly brilliant

I always plan to go grocery shopping saturdays after my class, but saturday comes and goes, and I don't go, I might run out Sunday to pick up some things but never do a full trip, thinking well, I'll just go tomorrow. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Part of the reason I don't just get it over with is because it usually ends up taking at least an hour, often closer to two, because of lines and crowds and having to go to more than one store.

But. But. New Seasons offers online shopping. You can have it delivered for $10 or pick it up at the store for $5. I did it tonight, you can put items on your favorite list, so it gets faster each time, you can just run down your favorites for what you always buy. My groceries will all be picked out and ready for me tomorrow after my class, I just have to call on the way there.

And side bonus, it is easier to stay on budget, because you don't get tempted by cookies or chocolate or whatever. I didn't buy any produce, I'll stop at the produce stand for that, but it was so easy, such a time saver, that I'm amazed I haven't done it before. Because really, I like having a full house of groceries so I can cook healthy meals, but I have so many other things I would rather do on my weekends than spend close to two hours battling grocery store lines.

Does it make me lazy? Or efficient and practical? Either way, it's a good thing.

random shyte

I just made my first appt. with a naturopath physician, I want to find out why I'm having skin and digestive problems and try to get it to stop happening. I've been to the derm. doctors twice now when my skin got really out of control with eczema/dermatitis and they just gave me a prescription cream and said to keep my skin moisturized. Since my skin keeps breaking out, there has to be a cause, and that is what I want to treat. I also want to see if my digestion problems are related. I see her next Thursday. Yay!

**************
I am so tired of freelancing, and really really wanting a regular job again (one in particular!)

I never hear from the people I'm working for, that they got my stuff, that it was fine. Half the time, I don't hear back from one of the women when I have questions. I find out by way of gossip that they aren't happy with my rate, the one woman in particular who doesn't answer questions, but she never told me directly or negotiated a rate with me, despite her sending me a snippy email saying she always negotiates rates with freelancers. The snippy email was in response to a very nice email I sent saying I wasn't trying to be expensive and I would be happy to go to a lower rate that they are comfortable with.

And after she sent me the snippy email, I wrote back again really nicely, asking her what she thought about cutting $25 per hour off my rate, because I would rather keep working with her, and then she never wrote back.

And then there's the fact I have to fight to get paid. I only get paid once a month, and I received one check for january but not the other check I was expecting. I just called accounts payable, they don't have it in their system, so I had to write to the new admin girl to see if my invoice i submitted in January was ever processed. If it wasn't processed....gaaaaa.

Blah humbug.

Positive visualization: I get a phone call, with a job offer, in the salary range I told them. I accept the job offer. I am jumping up and down with excitement. I go to work on my first day, very excited.

I'm going to keep thinking about that.

the power of manifesting and visualizing

This is a letter I wrote to the universe months ago, describing the type of work and work environment I wanted.
I want a job:

-- that is fun to go to
-- where the other employees are happy and like their jobs
-- that encourages creativity
-- some place bright and open with lots of light
-- where my talents are recognized
-- where I am a valued member of the team
-- that is close to a good coffee shop
-- that excites me
-- that gives me interesting creative challenges
-- where the employees work closely as a solid, strong team
-- where I can grow creatively
--with a boss who knows how to be a good boss
-- with a boss who supports me in my work and my growth
-- for a company that is respected for the work it does
-- for a company that has good relationships with its clients
-- for a company that respects that I have a life outside of work
-- with coworkers who look forward to coming to work
-- with coworkers who are professional and play nicely together
-- for a company where I can occasionally wear jeans to work
-- for a company that is growing and moving forward
-- for a company that cares about the community and the environment
-- in a location that is close to good veggie food
-- for a company that offers generous vacation time
-- for a company that has a good retirement package
-- for a company that really values its employees

From everything I've heard and seen and how they are handling the interview process, this list is pretty much right on with the company I've been interviewing with.

I believe in the power of manifestation, and I believe in putting your wishes out into the universe and allowing it to come into your life when you are ready. Writing down what you want has power, visualizing what you want has power.

To quote from the Daily Message from the Universe: Thoughts become things. Choose the good ones.

Exactly.

why can't i have a baby panda??

I.NEED. a baby panda. Seriously.

Please???

www.pandafix.com

computer painting!

Tim found this great tool, where you can paint and draw on your computer, and the colors actually mix like real paints, you can use a palette knite to spread things out, all kinds of cool things. I downloaded the free version, and the full version is only $20. One of the cool features is that you can trace an image.

I just tried to upload one of the paintings I did, tracing a pic of myra, but it is saying it is not the right format. I'll play around with it to see if I can get it to upload. But it is super fun!

The coolest part is that it will help with my painting and drawing. I love painting and drawing, but it takes me awhile to feel comfortable with the paper, with the paint, with what I'm doing. So I always start out safe, drawing stuff like trees and flowers and such. But I don't want to "mess up" or try something harder but not know how to finish or what I need to do to make it better.

But now I can draw and paint without wasting any paint or paper, and I can just erase and start over if I want to. I think this will give me more confidence to branch out (har har) away from trees and into new things.

Check it out here: www.ambientdesign.com/artrage.html

little happiness-es

Little things that made me happy today:

Having blueberry pancakes for dinner

Going on a date with Tim, going to see Pan's Labyrinth (eh...it was ok. It was slow and dark, and it looked better in the previews, but contrasting WWII in Spain with a girl's fantasy world, and showing how even fantasies aren't perfect was interesting, and it was beautifully filmed), and then going to Borders.

Buying new books (the next one in the Outlander series, yay! and the second Traveling Pants book), and new cds (Joni Mitchell's Blue -- I forgot how amazing this album is, how much I love it. It is one of those I can listen to all the way through and then want to listen to it again).

Doing all our house-cleaning chores today, so all that's left chore-wise is to go grocery shopping.

Adds up to a nice Friday with lots of little happies. :)

Inviting in joy

Idea from Omgirly

I love the idea of inviting more joy into your life, as well as deliberately seeking it out. It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day -- paying bills, working, cleaning, making dinner, grocery shopping -- that days can go by without doing some of the things that bring you joy. So I thought if I wrote out some of the things that bring my joy, make me happy, it would be easier to remember to always seek them out and invite them in for a cup of tea :)

-- Running in the woods
-- Journaling
-- Drawing
-- Enjoying a cup of tea
-- Baking
-- Trying new recipes
-- Hiking
-- Playing soccer with Myra
-- Looking for small, pretty things on walks (new flowers, cool trees)
-- Making cards
-- Writing letters
-- Knitting
-- Cranking up itunes and dancing around the house
-- Wandering around Powells
-- Walking barefoot through the sand
-- Having friends over for dinner
-- Curling up on the couch under a blanket, reading, with a cup of tea nearby
-- Having a pot of tea in a pretty pot and cup, such as at the Tao of Tea
-- Road trips
-- Buying new pens or new card making supplies
-- Reading blogs, getting inspired
-- Finding new music, either through bloggie recommendations or playing around on itunes
-- Writing neatly, not rushed, so the writing itself looks pretty
-- Running in the rain (I have to remember that when it rains, that after the first few minutes, I actually really like it)
-- Napping, curled up under lots of blankets, with the pup nearby
-- Spending time with friends
-- Going out to dinner with Tim
-- Cold Stone Creamery (something that will be severely limited now that I'm pretty sure I'm lactose intolerant)
-- Watching Firefly
-- Watching Pixar movies
-- Driving over the Hawthorne bridge into downtown, and just loving how pretty the city is

That's a lot of joy :)

Why YouTube rocks

I just watched the opening to Jem, He-Man, and She-Ra, Princess of Power!

That would be a triple shot flashback right there.

Interview morning

Woke up feeling refreshed (rather rare for me) and happy and excited and in a good frame of mind.

I'm listening to Rose Cousins, read my morning bloggies, checked in at the Din, and had my coffee (now with Silk french vanilla creamer -- actually tastes like vanilla and not like chemicals, which is how International Delight tastes to me now).

I went through most of my wardrobe last night trying to find something to wear, we settled on a long black skirt with roses, a black sweater, bitch boots and my hair up in a clip. I still need to buy a bunch of new clothes, a lot of my stuff is either outdated or looking kind of well worn (not in a good way) or is just not a good look for me. Example, most of my shirts are short, coming only to my waist, which makes me look really short and thick-trunked. But the outfit we picked out works, and I won't be worried about my clothes during the interview, which is the important thing.

I have a good feeling about today.