Ould Hag You Killed Me -- or musical memories

This is actually the name of a song I have in my music collection. It's a very funny title, one that Tim and I will occasionally yell at each other. "Ould Hag, you killed me!"

It comes from this cd I picked up in Ireland at a pub in Dublin. I loved the band that played there. I actually extended my stay in Dublin to listen to them play for an extra night. When the band got really going, I would do my best pretend Irish step dancing (essentially jumping up and down with my hands on my hips) and just laugh and clap. Just lots of fun.

**********

I downloaded some John Denver tunes today for my mellow 70s play list, and I had to download "Thank God I'm a country boy" because of the memories it brought back. I was traveling in Holland with my friend Megan during our year in France. We went out to a bar/dance club, and were having fun dancing. These Dutch boys wearing cowboy hats kept trying to pick us up, and this song came on, and you would think John Denver wrote it just for these Dutch boys -- who didn't speak English very well, but could sing along with every single word of this song. Cracked us up.

What are some of your favorite musical memories?

Little signs of spring

Out walking in the neighborhood today, I saw teenytiny little purple tulips sprouting, a bush with little purple flowers, and there were lots of little birds chirping happily in the sunshine.

The days have been getting noticeably longer again. It's light out till almost 5:30, and I as hate the dark of winter, I love when there starts to be a little more daylight.

I love the little signs that show the earth is starting to wake up again. One of the things that helps to ward off seasonal depression is that things stay really green in Portland in the winter -- trees are usually covered with green moss and sometimes leafy green ferns, lawns are green, etc. So it never feels as dead as New England does in the middle of winter. And now I'm reminded that spring starts way early out here. Last year, there were things with lots of bloom and colors in February. I love watching things come to life again.

It's true...you really can buy anything

Apparently, you can buy decommissioned missile silos. Because who doesn't want one of those? There's a bargain one for $67,000 in Missouri, and then a luxury model in Maine for $300,000. And the ultimate gift to get the billionaire who has everything: A missile silo for $1.8 million in Denver.

Tim: "We don't need to buy a house, we need to buy a missile silo!"

Clearly.

Out of Portland!

We had one night left on Myra's boarding package from our Christmas trip, so we dropped her off yesterday to be boarded and then drove out to Astoria.

We haven't been out of Portland for a long time, so it was nice to go on a little road trip. We wandered around Astoria for a little bit (very small town, doesn't take much time to see what's there). I told Tim we needed to yell "Heyyyyy yoouuuu guyyyyyyys," when we drove into town, a la Goonies. Astoria is cute, but we definitely prefer Cannon Beach, the beach is prettier and the town is nicer.

But just having a change of scenery was really nice. Between football season (We really don't get out at all on weekends during football season), and working from home, we just haven't left the house, let alone Portland for very much lately. It helped my stir craziness go away :)

Learning what my body doesn't like

I spent a good part of the weekend with various digestive complaints, including the really fun deep back pain I get sometimes that is not muscle or bone related and is so uncomfortable I just fold myself over hoping it will go away.

I think I am allergic to dairy, or at least higher-fat dairy. I had a couple sips of a latte with 2% milk and my stomach started feeling off right away. I had a matcha tea latte made with water, not milk, and I immediately couldn't breathe because I was in so much pain (I wonder if it is the whey protein, but I have whey protein in my shakes and I'm fine, so that's puzzling).

I'm going to cut out all dairy for a while and see how that helps.

Revelation

There is no better motivation than anticipation;
Neither reaching the goal nor realizing a dream can compare to the deliberate delight
of a journey, yet to be taken.

-- From the back of the new Lucy catalog.

I would have to say I agree to some extent. It's great when dreams come true, when you go on that trip, when you get that job, when you finish something you really wanted to do. But thinking about it and dreaming about it and planning and working for it, anticipating the final outcome, there is delight and excitement there. Wondering what will happen, waiting to see what the universe holds in store for you -- there's magic in that.

I've put in my best effort

So, I did the editing test to the best of my ability. After I sent it, I noticed I missed at least one thing, but overall, I think it shows I know how to edit, how to copy edit and how to write headlines and teasers.

And now I just have to wait to see if they want to hire me. I still feel pretty good about my chances.

Life without credit

Both T and I have made bad financial decisions in the past, but we've done a lot to change and improve that. One thing we have made a conscious decision to do is not have credit anymore.

Sometimes, this is challenging. There have been times when we needed/wanted to book flights, and could only do so when we had enough money in the bank. When we travel and rent a car, we can only use places that allow you to use debit cards, and they often place a hold on your account, so again, we have to make sure we have the money set aside for that.

But there are plus sides as well. If we really want something, we save up for it, and then we own it free and clear. And having to save up for it means we enjoy it more when we get it. It's changed how we look at shopping and buying things, because if we have to use our debit card, we pay for it immediately. I still think that with credit cards, it feels like you didn't really have to pay for it, because you don't see an immediately lower bank balance (or in our case, a smaller amount of weekly cash).

I see all the credit card commercials on tv, and they are so manipulative. Use your credit card for everything. Earn points for flights. Get cash back! Credit cards are easier than cash. And unfortunately, so many people buy into that. Oh, I'll be earning flights or money back if I use my credit card. Well, you could keep more of your money in the first place if you weren't spending so much to credit card companies.

And credit cards really target people who have no business having credit cards (college students, people who declared bankruptcy). They make it seem so easy, and they will keep increasing your limit, until one day, you look at what you owe, you look at your credit card balances, and don't even remember that dinner out you had last month but are paying interest on.

I just think that credit cards foster an unhealthy relationship with money, and it is easy to get screwed by them. Living without credit has its challenges certainly, but I think I prefer it this way.

Calling on the editing gods...

Job prospect called me today, asking if I would mind completing an editing test for them. I have till tomorrow to do it.

I haven't done an editing test in a while, but I'm not too worried about it. I know most of the stuff I already have to fix.

It's exciting. And it makes me think I might (hopefully!) get a job offer sometime soon.

Fingers crossed!!

The vegetarian and the carnivore

We decided to go to the cheesecake factory last night for dinner, since I haven't gone grocery shopping yet (and sorry Mik, but we aren't likely to go back any time soon. For whatever reason, we either have REALLY bad service or REALLY slow service everytime we go).

I got a portabella burger.

Tim got the Ton o' Fun burger. Two meat patties. Cheese. Three buns.

It was rather horrifying lol.

Ah, when opposites attract :)

Drooooooooool

The only car I really love and go nuts for. WANT this.

Click on the link, then click on the photo at the top of the page. So very pretty.

Mini Cooper Convertible

The first house we really love

We went to look at a few houses in Milwaukie today, because we are fairly sure that if we buy a house, it will probably be in Milwaukie. A little cheaper, more land, and still really close to Portland and everything we want to do.

The first one. Meh. The house itself was cute (and from the pictures, we would have loved the kitchen), but we hated the neighborhood. Tim and I both felt like we had somehow ended up in a part of Vermont neither of us wanted to be in. Tim: "It feels familiar, and not in a good way."

So we followed our mock GPS (laptop with google directions saved on it) to the next house. We LOVED it. Great yard. Cute house (and definitely the closest thing to a Cape you will find out here). Really quiet street. Cute neighborhood, good for running. And about 6 minutes door to door from there to where we live now. Check it out here.

It is on the high end of where we would like to be, but if it stays on the market, it is definitely one we will check out.

From Pretty Damn Cool to Really Fecking Sweet!

One day after getting recruited for a web writer position, writing for healthcare consumers about wellness and preventive approaches to health (which I love and find really fascinating), I GET AN INTERVIEW!!

I submitted my online application (pain in the ass system, and I hate that you have to manually enter all the information that is on your resume even if you attach your resume, but whatever), and called the HR woman to let her know I submitted and to see if she needed any writing samples.

I get back from taking a walk around the 'hood with the Boy because I was feeling kind of unfocused and not work-like (something that has been happening a lot more lately), and come home to find two messages from the HR lady, one of which is they want to set up an interview!!

I have an interview Tuesday at 11 a.m. I am so psyched!

Oh, and side note, more confirmation from the universe that it's time to move away from freelancing -- one of the agencies that I submitted my stuff to had said before the holidays that I would be a good fit for their clients and then never heard back from them. I heard from them today that they are flooded with copywriters, but they will keep my name active because I am still a good fit. So, another freelance route went away, at almost the EXACT time that I submitted my online application to this new place.

Yeah, I love how the universe works. I really do.

bounce bounce bounce

From worse to bad to better to Pretty Damn Cool!

My skin is a complete mess. NOTHING is helping. I look like I was released from some camp where they keep skin weirdos. I was crying after I showered yesterday, because I hurt and I was itchy and ugly, and nothing was making any difference.

To try and help improve things, we bought two warm mist humidifiers (which are going back, they don't generate enough moisture) and Benadryl and washed our sheets in our old Arm and Hammer detergent, thinking maybe the new method stuff was making me worse.

I know most people who take Benadryl get really really tired. I get the complete opposite effect. I took two benadryl, thinking it would help with the itching, and maybe it wouldn't keep me up that much. Was I wrong. I was even itchier, and I could not stay still. I was awake easily past 2 a.m., feeling like I was going to crawl out of my skin and lose my mind at the same time.

Transition from worse to bad

I get up this morning, and decide I will call for an appointment with a dermatologist. But, I can't go to see the dermatologist until I pay a medical bill that has gone to collections (I just kept putting off paying it, stupid yes).

Transition from bad to better.

So, I realize the universe wants me to get rid of my last bad debt -- something I need to do for us to buy a house, and something I need to do for my own mental health (I hate knowing these small bills were out there). I had been planning on paying it when I get paid in two weeks, but we have the money, it gets it off my credit report, and I can get a dermatology appt. So now, all my bad debt is gone, and everything else is in really good standing.

I call back Dermatology, telling them the debt is cleared, and I can get an appointment for today (unfortunately with the really old doctor I saw last time, but if I didn't see him, I'd have to wait a week to see someone else). So I'm hoping I will find out 1. What is wrong with me. 2. How to make it go away and 3. How to keep this from happening again.

Transition to better to Pretty Damn Cool!

While I was taking care of my dermatology and medical bill stuff, I get a call from a health insurance place. It turns out, it was from their hiring department. I had applied for a freelance writer position with them AGES ago, well before I ever actually started freelancing. They wanted to know my current situation and if I was looking for full time work, because they have a Web content editor position that opened up that looks to be a good fit for my skill set.

Um, holy shit!

So, I have an improntu interview with the HR person, talking about my background, why I left my last place, and talking about my web writing experience. They are looking for someone with five years web writing, but I think I made a good case that while I only have 3 years web writing, I have done a lot of it, know healthcare inside out and more importantly, know how to write healthcare web content for consumers.

I have to apply for the position online, but the HR person seemed to like my answers and my experience. So, we shall see. But to be recruited completely out of the blue, just a few days after I decide that I have to get a regular job again, I would like to say a big Thank you to the Universe. Yes, I'm listening.

I can swim the English Channel now...

My poor skin has had just about enough. No matter how I tried to moisturize it, it never seemed to heal. My skin is broken out and my medicine won't clear it up.

So, today I decided to make my own lotion and oil. I made a lotion with shea butter, grapeseed oil and castor oil, and an oil combination of grapeseed oil, castor oil and olive oil.

This stuff is WORKING! Some of my worst red spots are way calmed down. My skin actually feels hydrated, not tight and itchy. (and once it absorbs not oily).

Of course, I've put enough oil on my body today that I could either be deep-fried or swim the English Channel, but if I can get my skin under control, I don't care. Deep-fried vegetarian anyone? :)

mmmmm greyblue oatmeal

I am the queen of adding extra fiber to things. In fact, it is usually a goal...how much can I increase the fiber by?

I heated up a packet of instant blueberry oatmeal and then added blueberries, and flax seed with blueberries, and soy milk. It came out GREY. Gruel grey. The color of food you imagine Oliver Twist eating.

But it still tasted good!

A new direction

Friday, Tim and I had a long talk about what I should do career-wise. Keep freelancing? Get another job? I like some aspects of working from home, but not the uncertainty of when projects end. And sometimes, I really don't feel motivated working at home (other days, I work until midnight lol).

But then we went to talk to my bank about home stuff. What would we need to put down, what kind of mortgage could we consider, would we be able to get a mortgage even though our credit isn't perfect, that kind of stuff.

And talking to the bank helped in several ways. One, it looks like we could get a mortgage, even though we don't have perfect credit. But, and this is more important, until I am self-employed for two years, my income doesn't really count. We can't buy a home on just Tim's income, so that means I have to go back to a "regular" job.

There are lots of good things about this. I don't look at the freelancing as a mistake or failure, but instead a good experiment. It really helped me to clear my head, it gave us extra money to put toward the house, and it got my name out there to some people for other work that I might be able to pick up after I get a regular job again.

And the good thing is that as long as I can show regular income from when I left to when I get a new job, it looks like I've had steady income.

So another new adventure will begin!

The little things

I spent two hours talking to my mom today, mostly about her frustrations at work. Financially, she really needs to keep her job, but she is so angry at the managers, that I'm afraid she's going to say or do something stupid and jeopardize her job.

She is especially angry about really little things that don't make a difference, but she's refusing to do them, which I'm sure her bosses, who already don't always like her attitude, won't appreciate.

She doesn't want to wear t-shirts with the bank's name on it on casual fridays. I told her it was one day a week where she didn't have to worry about what she wore for clothes. No, she's not in a uniformed high school and she wore bank t-shirts once before and she won't do it again.

She doesn't want to wear a name tag, because her name is already on the sign in front of her work station.

She's disgusted by how the "kids" at work dress and how they don't dress appropriately. I tell her that doesn't reflect on her and don't let it get her mad. She can't let it go.

But maybe it is easier to get mad about the little stuff, the stuff that feels controllable than dealing with the bigger, scarier monsters.

All these little things by themselves are just that. Little. But knowing her temper, they can add up to big things pretty fast. I hope they don't.

Amazing women

I love this women's outdoor exercise group that I go to on a regular basis. I love running in the woods, and connecting with the earth and slowing down during pilates and yoga and just enjoying the lovely green-ness of Portland.

But the women who take the class are just amazing people, and have stories of other amazing women.

One of the women received some money from her mother, so she quit her job to pursue her writing and art.

One met her husband while they were Peace Corps volunteers in Africa, and she just took her two little girls to her village for the first time.

Another is a mother to five-year-old triplets. Oy!

Today, I heard a story of the instructor's mother's friend. She had seven children, was pregnant with her eighth, when her husband was killed. She was a singer and performer who was asked to perform at the opening of the Amway in Michigan in the Tootsie Van Kelly salon. She became "Tootsie Van Kelly," complete with outrageous boas and wigs. Apparently, through it all, she always managed to smile and love life and just conquer whatever challenges came her way.

I'm so glad I came across this group. I love it for how it makes me feel and the people I meet.

steps toward being more green (and clean)

I don't know if it is living in Portland, land of environmentalists and activists, or just getting older and more aware of how my actions affect the world around me and hating how wasteful people are, but I am definitely becoming more green. More interested in natural, biodegradable products. And then there is how much I hate the smell of most cleaning products.

Enter Method. I've seen them advertised in some of my favorite magazines, including Real Simple. I've also seen articles and user comments about how great their products work.

I like their approach to things. Natural. Biodegradable. Environmentally friendly. Scented naturally, without bleach or chlorine. And then there's packaging and marketing. I admit it -- I am a sucker for marketing. If I like an ad, I get interested in a product. If I hate an ad, I will never ever use it. And I love how things look. So Method seemed to fit everything :) It's also a lot cheaper than most environmentally friendly products.

I just had our first order delivered, and I am already impressed.

These flushable wipes do a great job, the scent isn't overpowering and they are flushable!

We also bought this and this, which smells really good.

And this, one little capful will do a whole load of laundry. I can't wait to try it.

I am already planning on buying more products the next time I get paid. And I'm looking forward to cleaning the bathroom without being afraid to breathe.

wish list

Things I am dreaming about buying

This skin care productsounds like it would really help my skin.

This book looks very cool.

this and this

Writing jewelry!

Rain boots for the greyest Portland day

This body lotion in Black Raspberry Vanilla or Asian Plum Blossom

And of course, This. Just introduced today. Way more money than I would ever consider spending. Way more phone than I ever need. But it's so damn cool!! I am officially an Apple nerd now.

Things I am loving

Myra sacked out under my desk while I blog

Listening to my Itunes on Shuffle, I hear songs I never knew I had, songs I never listen to. Right now, People and Tables by Sinead Lohan is playing, and I'm reminded how much I like her.

Discovering new music via other blogs. One new love: Dance if you want to, by Rose Cousins.

Matcha tea lattes. Sweet enough to feel like a treat, enough protein to feel like a little pick-me-up, and the loveliest shade of soft sea foam green to make me dream of early spring and painting.

Coloring. Lisa and Steve were over last night, and Lisa brought mandalas to color. I forgot how much I love to color, how it zones me out. I like almost all of how it is coming out, although there is one repeating section I'm not crazy over. But just sitting at the table with my parkers and colored pencils makes me happy.

Playing in the mud and the rain with Myra, who just loves to chase balls. Playing with her and seeing how happy she is always makes me laugh.

Nancy's Plain yoghurt with flax seed, fruit and protein powder. It's on almost daily breakfast rotation.

Myra's wookie sounds

Getting more projects from work, including some cool writing ones (writing the new cardiac web site and overview brochure, writing a golf stretching brochure).

Knowing that our house is clean. It makes it so much more relaxing to be here.

Just knowing it's Sunday, and I have journaling and reading ahead of me, after I go to my outdoor class, this time at Washington park. I might also bake something.

A look back...

Two weeks ago...T and I had our first christmas and I rediscovered my passion for the holiday. The music, the lights, buying presents, opening presents.

Three months ago... things were about as bad as they could get at work and I made the decision to leave. There have been some challenges and some settling in, but it has definitely been a healthy, positive, empowering decision.

Nine months ago...we had one of our most challenging months, when everything seemed to hit at once. Forced to move because of our previous landlord's crazy flipflopping on whether she was going to sell the house we were living in, dealing with telling her we weren't going to pay our last month rent and were going to use the security deposit because it was the only way we could afford to move. My wallet was stolen out of my office at work. Sarah died :( and Tim had to get a last minute flight back east. I finally saw clearly that I didn't have a real friendship with my supposed best friend back east and I made the decision to just end it and walk away. But through it all, Tim and I kept each other sane and moving forward.

A year ago...was our first January in Portland. We went back east for a belated christmas the first week of January and had the fallout from that. From my mom saying she didn't understand how I could make the money I said I did and not be able to afford to come back on Christmas to lots of comments of how it really wasn't christmas because we weren't celebrating on the actual holiday.

16 months ago...my mom had a seizure and got a compression fracture in her spine. It wasn't the first time we wondered if we should continue living in Portland, but we definitely talked very seriously about whether we would need to move back. I felt useless here and had practically no money available to fly back. I wanted to go talk to her doctors, get her into a real hospital in Boston, not the crap one they were at, and just be there.

17 months ago...I got the job at OHSU, complete with a huge pay raise. It felt like the job had been written for me, and I felt very lucky to have been selected. Even though the office part of the job didn't always work out, it was such a great experience for me to be there, I learned a lot, and I love that I can continue working for them.

18 months ago....we moved into our house on Freeman Street. It was cute, and we had more privacy, and we were out of the hated Atherton apartments. I was still working for Athena, and I flew back east three times between the end of June and end of July. I'm still not sure how we managed it financially, since we don't have credit cards and had to wait until I was reimbursed for one plane ticket before I could buy another one.

There's been a lot of growth, a lot of change, and a lot of settling in. But despite the challenges, I've loved the ride and I like the path we are on now. I have some great friends out here now, my job situation is much healthier, Tim and I love Portland even more now that we know it better, we are in a good place to buy a house in the next coming months, we are feeling good physically.

i hate waiting....

but the end is FINALLY in sight.

So, my checks didn't come today, and I immediately called Accounts Payable to see WTF???

The checks went in the mail this morning. So that means I will have my checks no later than Monday. At least I know now for certain that the money will be here soon. But motherofdog, it's been frustrating as all get out.

just lovely music

I just downloaded the Charlotte's Web soundtrack and it just lovely, upbeat music that is great to have in the background while I am working.

I am not someone who normally has just music (as opposed to songs) on, but I really like this.

Makes me smile and feel relaxed and makes my fingers feel like they want to fly over the keyboard.

i love...

when I make my boss happy. One of the projects I am working on for her is rewriting the smoking cessation brochure for the hospital, and she wanted me to create note tablets as well -- extra information that a doctor could discuss with a patient trying to quit smoking.

I gave it to her last night, asking if what I had done was what she had in mind. She wrote back saying it was exactly what she wanted.

Awww yeah.

i can't see clearly now...

So while I was out for a run last night, my glasses fogged up as they are wont to do, so I put them in my vest pocket (like I've done countless times before) and kept running. I got to the end of my run, reached in my pocket to put my glasses back on... and no glasses.

I immediately back track and start doing my route in reverse, looking for my glasses. I ran/walked the entire route again, and couldn't find them. And the whole time, I knew Tim was probably concerned, because I had said I would be back in half an hour and was gone about an hour and a half. (note to self: in the future, always carry a cell phone when I run).

I had sort of wanted to get new glasses, but I certainly wasn't planning on it for a long time. I can at least see pretty well without them, I just won't be able to drive anyplace I haven't been before, because without them, I have a hard time reading signs.

Oh well.

being good with my goals

I have a lot of different categories of goals and plans this year -- health related, money related, house related, fun related.

So far, I'm doing very well with my health related goals. One of them is to do sun salutations (yoga) every morning, and I have been. It is a great way to wake up, and I definitely feel better afterward. I've also been good about adding more calcium and protein into my diet daily (two things I definitely wasn't getting enough of), and having more green tea and less coffee. As a result, I feel more steady during the day and the protein noticeably helps me feel less sluggish.

I still need to work on the adding in more vegetables. It's weird. I love vegetables, but I still don't seem to have all that many of them during the day.

first part of one resolution

Tim and I decided we are going to take Aikido lessons. We have both been interested in learning aikido for a long time, and there is a great dojo a few streets over from us (and in fact this place was recommended to us from Shodokan in Salem where Tim went a few times and was impressed). Not only do I want to learn how to defend myself, but I love the philosophy, that the point is to let an attacker know that an attack won't work, that it is about conquering your own inner aggression. It just really clicks with me.

We went last night to watch a basics class, where the students practice with other students with a sensei watching and supervising. It was my first time watching aikido, and it is very graceful and fluid. And it's fascinating how you just completely redirect an attacker (students practice both attacker and victim roles). I am very excited to learn this.

We can take a beginners and a basic class for free, we will probably do that next week, and then start going regularly the week after that.

I'm excited to learn something completely new.